#1 Single

Don't drop dead of shock people... I know I posted only yesterday but I've come back from my holiday full of things to say, so I'm posting again today.

I know that will make Cake extremely happy.

I'm currently uploading all my CDs to iTunes. Its taking a while. This is the second day and I'm still doing the 'B' section. The Love Songs of Burt Bacharach is almost finished and the Barenaked Ladies are waiting to go in. Its a looooong process.

Luckily, I'm good at multi-skilling. Whilst uploading CD's I'm writing this (derrrr) and having a chat on messenger with my old flatmate Kate, who lives in Edinburgh. I miss her so much. But hopefully she'll be out here later in the year for a visit so I we can party like the old days (read: this time last year).

You may be questioning when I'm going to get to the point of the title of today's blog. Perhaps you're questioning if there is a point to it. Or perhaps you have already guessed because you have Foxtel.

Answers on a postcard please.

I was over at Bestie P's this afternoon borrowing some suits for tomorrow's corporate video shoot. I don't own suits anymore. I had a ritual burning of my suits when I left the corporate world. Stupid me didn't think I'd end up getting cast as a corporate and therefore might need them again one day.

Duh.

Bestie P has been in Melbourne for a week and then I've been away over Easter, so I haven't seen her or Miss Piper for at least ten days. Miss Piper has. Grown. A lot. And is getting very chatty. So we were all catching up and then while Bestie P was getting a selection of suits for me, Piper and I had some quality time flicking around Foxtel. Where we discovered:


THIS


Oh. My. Goodness. Me.

Lisa Loeb. What the?

Its fascinating. Fascinating.

In case you've missed it, this is the premise of the show:

Lisa Loeb is single and most definitely fabulous. Now the thirtysomething singer is ready to share her success with someone special. Will this real-life Carrie Bradshaw be able to find love (and sex) in the city?

You go girl.

I was hooked. As a thirtysomething single gal myself, I thought, hey! Maybe I can get a few pointers. Maybe I can find out how to stop meeting inappropriate men and finally find someone who will actually treat me as more than a 2am booty call.

As for Miss Piper, I told her she's never too young to learn. She was hooked too. She even stopped gnawing on my arm for a minute to check it out.

So basically, single gal Lisa is looking for a man so she can settle down, have babies and get her mom off her back. I hear ya sister.

This is what Lisa is looking for:

Seek intelligent city guy (NYC or LA) between 30-45. Must be smart, funny, sensitive (not wimpy), adventurous and family oriented. Preferably Jewish. No diets, no fake hair. Healthy and active a plus. Must love cats.

Cool. She's started by putting it out there. Maybe that's what I should do.

Seek intelligent city guy (Sydney preferred, Melbourne acceptable) between 30-40 (I'm younger than her). Must be smart, funny, sensitive (not wimpy), adventurous and arts oriented. Preferably hot. (I'm not fussed about the Jewish thing seeing as I'm not Jewish, nor am I in favour of organised religion). No diets, no fake hair. Healthy and active a plus. Must hate cats.

Next.

After a synopsis of the dates Lisa's been on, very few of which seem to have been successful, she decides to impart her dating tips upon us.

Right. Let's see where I'm going wrong.

Dating Tips: Lisa's Time-Honored Pointers for Surviving a First Date

Dine and Dish: Don't "talk out" the entire evening during the pre-date phone conversation.

Hmmm. Phone conversations. I'm more of a text/email kinda gal, so I think I've got that one covered. Check.

Proper Attire Required: Wear comfortable shoes. The restaurant could be miles from the parking lot, and sore feet can make a painful date worse!

I mostly wear flip flops in summer and boots or my pretty pink converse in winter. I learned early not to wear heels anywhere that required more than one block's walk. Check.

Early Bird Special: Arrive ahead of schedule. Who knows? The chatty bartender at the restaurant could be your next husband.

Oooh. I'm notoriously late. To the point where my friends have already ordered dessert by the time I walk in the door. There's definitely room for improvement there, especially if I have the chance of marrying the bartender. Hey, if its good enough for Miranda its good enough for me.

Check, Please! Even if you think you deserve the chocolate molten cake for sitting through dinner, don't order dessert if the conversation is getting strained.

She means cheque. I think. I'm more cheese platter than chocolate cake, but I get her point. However its been ages since a man took me out to dinner so I'll have to note that one down just in case I actually get asked out to dinner and make it to dessert.

Second Helpings: Got even a slight quiver in the knees? Investigate it further with a second date.

Now this is where I fall down. Its hard enough getting the first date, let alone surviving it and obtaining a second date.

Sheesh.

Lisa has it easy... (a) the producers probably have a whole swag of men lined up to date her; and (b) she lives in the States, more specifically NYC, where finding men* to date is far easier than here in Sydney.

Incidentally, what qualifies as a "date" in Australia anyway? Is it always "dinner and a movie"? The last three dates I went on were all "dinner and a movie" and I didn't get a second date out of any of them. Where's the creativity? I went on a few dates when I lived in the States and only one of them ever involved "dinner and a movie". The others involved coastal drives in a convertible, snorkelling, ice skating, art galleries, sporting events and even a frat party (hey, I was 23). About two-thirds of them led on to second and even third dates, so possibly I either need to move back to the States or change my expectations of what a date entails. Not sure.

But I digress.

I never saw the end of the episode because Miss Piper decided to have a hissy fit. I'm sure it was because Lisa accepted a second date with the dodgy guy who walked out on their first date because he had an "important call" and then thought just by turning up with a huge bunch of roses she'd go out with him again. Even at 3 months old, Piper seems to have a well developed "bullshit" gene.

But I'll be watching that show again. Its a corker.

Now I've just got to get me a date** so I can put her tips to the test.

Stay tuned for more people.











* By "men", I mean those of the male species who are straight, single, self-sufficient and without a criminal record involving rape, murder or armed robbery.

** Date. You know, going out. Conversation. Maybe even trapeze lessons or a visit to the art gallery. It doesn't have to cost money. It doesn't have to be fancy. It just has to not be a 2am booty call after a drunken night at the pub. I deserve better.