Sunday, June 24, 2012

The Joys of Rejection

Well, I had my first audition in, ummm, years (!) yesterday.  I was really nervous.  REALLY nervous.  Like shaking nervous.  Haven't felt that nervous in years.  But I used those nerves to help my character and ended up doing a kick-ass monologue. Felt good.  

I made it to the callbacks (they took about 8 of the 20 auditioned), but then that's where it fell apart a little... we were put into groups of 4 or 5 and given the first scene of the play to present - with about 30 mins to do so. The producer and the two pre-cast actors wandered around giving advice and observing how we worked.  The group I had was nice and had some good ideas, but I don't think we were the most imaginative bunch... but we did ok.  I always find those type of callbacks difficult - I know it's more a chance for the director to see how you work with others, but when you have an actor who blocks you completely for part of the scene, it's not ideal!  I should've just moved my chair, but that would've distracted from the fact he was speaking at the time.

Needless to say, I got a text message from the director this morning (he's also a friend, so has my number), to say I didn't get the role.  I was expecting not to get it.  In fact, when I was out with friends last night and we were playing our version of the Clinker game (where you ask a question as you're choosing a Clinker from the packet - if it's red the answer is no; yellow is maybe; and green is yes) and I asked if I would be successful in the audition.  I bit into the Clinker and it was red - no!!  I know it's ridiculous to base things on a game played with sweets, but my intuition was correct!

Looking back, the other thing I think worked against me (besides that blocking gaffe), was that I didn't gel with the producer - in fact I found her quite prickly... and I got the impression she didn't think much of me either!  So maybe that's an upside to not getting the role.

I guess that's just the nature of this business.  There's a lot of rejection.  The director did say he thought that my monologue was one of the best of the day and that his not casting me had nothing to do with my ability, but to do with the balance and fit of the overall cast.  Which could be true, but could be just him blowing smoke... unfortunately my nature is to believe the latter and that my work in the callback was just crap.  

But I know I did a kick ass monologue and I'm happy with that.


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