Tuesday, October 15, 2013


Pronunciation: /ˌdɪskəmˈbɒbjʊleɪt/
[with object] humorous, chiefly North American
  • disconcert or confuse (someone)

I'm feeling just a little discombobulated at present. Mainly in the area of relationships ("Heh. That's nothing new", I hear you smirk). 

Let's just jump right in with some examples, shall we?

I said hello to a colleague tonight as we were all exiting the auditorium after seeing a show. She was talking to someone, but had made eye contact with me, so I said hello and asked her how she enjoyed the production... I didn't mean to interrupt her conversation, but she'd made the initial eye contact, so I was only being polite. Her response was quite cold and dismissive. I'm sure she didn't mean to be, but that's how it felt. I apologised for interrupting, but there was no response - she just continued her conversation and walked off.


The friend I went to see the show with (who I used to spend a great deal of time with) has been quite distant of late, especially when we're around his work colleagues. We attended an industry function together last week and when his colleagues turned up, I felt like I was in the way and he wanted me gone. I felt like that again tonight, like he couldn't wait to get rid of me.


Another friend, who I met up with last week, spent most of our couple of hours together complaining about the clinginess of one of her fellow playgroup mums. When we parted, I suggested we make arrangements in the next few weeks to catch up again, but she dismissed me with a wave of the hand and "whenever - we'll talk", which left me feeling like I was an intrusion in her life and she couldn't be bothered with me.


I conducted a little social experiment a couple of weeks back. I was in Sydney and having a catch up with a group of old friends and I decided I would only talk about myself if I was asked a direct question. I wouldn't offer any information unless I was asked and even then, I would only stick to answering the question. Instead, I would spend my part of the conversation asking questions of them, to find out more about what had been happening in their lives and just wait and see if they asked any questions of me. 

Apart from the beginning of the afternoon, when the friend who'd organised the get-together turned up first, enabling us to have a brief chat before everyone else arrived; not a single question was asked of me the entire time, other than "do you want another drink?". No one else asked me how I was, how I was enjoying living in Melbourne, what I'd been up to, how work was... nothing. They talked endlessly about their lives, their kids, their careers... there were no lulls in conversation, it was just all about them.  I found it massively discombobulating and has led me to believe that either: (a) I must talk about myself too much when I've been out with them previously, so they're sick of me; or (b) I must not be worth bothering to enquire after.

Since I've been off Facebook  I've barely heard from some of my (so-called) friends.  The ones who keep in actual touch are (sadly) few and far between and not really who I expected to. This is quite sobering, in that I do feel a little as though all the people I thought were good friends, couldn't actually give a flying monkeys about me.

Really discombobulating.

God that all sounds so depressing.  Someone smack me around the head and tell me to snap out of it. Please. 

Look, I guess it is a little depressing and I think I'm entitled to feel discombobulated and hurt and slighted. That's ok. As long as I don't dwell on it.  Because really, the people who have kept in touch are clearly the ones I need to appreciate more and focus my energies on.  

And I need to remember: reason, season, lifetime.

The reason and seasons are plentiful, but the lifetimes are rare and need nurturing. That's what I need to focus on.

On that note... bedtime.


1 comment:

Chai said...

That's pretty sucky, but I reckon there is a good chance that they didnt mean it like how it came across.

eg the whenever comment.
I say that sometimes and it's cos we're close enough to say things like that. ie. we'll see each other when it happens.
I've never really thought of it as coming across as being dismissive.