Having finished work early the other day and feeling in need of some mindless entertainment (and my new work premises being just a short stroll from Broadway), I decided to pop along to Hoyts and see what they had on offer.
Now, I know I could have walked in the other direction (towards my house), stopped off at the Dendy and seen something of a decent quality, but I'd had a shit day at work and my brain wasn't in the mood to be enriched. I needed trash. I'm a Gemini. I need trash every now and again.
However what I don't need at 2.30pm on a weekday, is a choice of the following pieces of shit:
- House of Wax
- Herbie: Fully Loaded
- Bewitched
- War of the Worlds
I could have seen House of Wax, but the thought of Paris Hilton being employed as an actress sends shudders through my very core. As a vacuous yet amusing party girl, I'm there for her. I even quite like her at times. Someone has to be on the worst dressed list and take care of that ugly chiuaua type rat she calls a dog (sorry Paris, but dogs who want to be called dogs must be bigger than a tote bag). But as someone who waltzes into the profession I have slogged my guts out to succeed in (through years of training and more co-ops and castings than I care to recall) - even if it is in a remake of a dodgy horror film - well I'm sorry, but piss off Paris. Go back to the social pages. I like seeing you there. Its where you belong.
I could have seen War of the Worlds. But every time I see Tom Cruise of late I want to punch his head in for all his stupid comments and insane mid-life-crisis behaviour. Seriously Tom, just buy a fucking Harley and take yourself off on a roadtrip along Route 66 and shag every girl and/or boy you meet along the way. Take lots of drugs, drink lots of beer and get into a bar fight or seven. Just stop dragging that insipid Katie Holmes along the red carpet like she's the next Nicole Kidman. She's not. Nic (despite the fact I don't personally like her as an actress) has some poise and class. Katie will never overcome her Dawson's Creek level of mediocrity.
Then there was Herbie. I considered it. After all, I liked Mean Girls. It didn't take itself too seriously. And Lindsay was ok. But the thought of watching Matt Dillon's once impressive career (Tex, The Outsiders, The Flamingo Kid - all quality examples of 80s teen flicks) plummet to the depths of Disney's bullshit moral preachy canyon of bad character choices didn't endear me to it. Were you really that desperate for the money Matt?
So that left Bewitched. But I'm over TV remakes. Even if they do have Shirley Maclaine. I'm just not interested. Sorry Nic, you may shit all over Katie Holmes, but you'll never be as warm and funny and endearing as Elizabeth Montgomery. She had magic.
So after all that deliberation (which took about 30 seconds) I went and saw Sin City for the second time. Fuck that's a quality piece of film making.
Although the money-spinning-remake-wanker-hollywood-mogul types did get me in the end by making me suffer through previews of The Dukes of Hazard and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... my message to them is simple:
Go see Sin City. Take notes. That's how you do it.
And don't think you can better the original cos you can't. Just ask George Lucas.
(Although if anyone is planning a remake of The Princess Bride, my hand is way up in the air to play Buttercup. I'll even dye my hair).
Next time I might just save my money and come home and watch Oprah.
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