Ghost writers

Greetings one and all, Well I finally thought it was about time that I own up in true Hollywood Style (think Halle Berry) and confess that I have in fact not been the person you thought I was writing this blog?

Okay so you don't belive me - fair do's

I've Hijacked the space for a bit while Magical M has a life and I do everything possible to avoid packing and moving home AGAIN. Lazy Me? NEVER.

You see its like this. I come from NORMALITY. Think of the perfect English house and family and I lived it. I was the cute curly haired girl in the flowery dresses, with the perfect home, mum, dad, brother, dog, cat etc. Enid Blyton could not have written it better. I grew up in the same house until my hormones got the better of me and from the age of 16 I have moved "home" on average every two - three years. I am now the wrong side of 35, so you can imagine why Yet Again the thought of packing is not motivating me. I mean I haven't even unpacked from the last move, or the move before that or even I think the two moves before that. I am sure one day I will open some of those boxes of diaries and photos to find decomposed insects, rodents, and a mush of paper but until then I shall just fantasise that my memories are sacred and that cardboard is indestructable!

So I am now attempting to regain normality and have bought a house with a boy - I say boy because he is 5 years younger than me and has the looks of a 14 year old boy most of the time. So this is soon to be my version of normality. A 7 bedroom detached house with a garage and nice size front and back gardens. The house will end up being a 4 bedroom house as we will knock two bedrooms into one and make it a deluxe bathroom and one bedroom will be a full on dressing room, but still its pretty normal, it is in the VERY pretty Suburb of Antwerp called Mortsel and is one of THE areas to live, good schools, great hospital, village type shopping feel, tree lined streets, cycle paths - you get the picture.

The only Oil in this sea of tranquility is my hormones, my brain, and THE PAST. Why? Well let's cover these in order;

Hormones - in the last year I have been pregnant three times, all ending in tears. the first I didn't even know I was pregnant, as I had been told the odds were stacked against me. It failed at 5 weeks and I had to have the contents of my womb removed in surgery as my body didn't seem to want to miscarry naturally. The second was similar only I had been put on strong hormones to help me keep the baby, it failed at 7 weeks and I went through surgery again. The last one I was expecting triplets!!!! Hence the large house purchase. Defying medical science I took it easy. New Years eve was spent in Hosptial strapped up to monitors watching one of the three die, while the other two grew stronger and developed healthy heartbeats. During this time they are giving me hormones like I am a lab rat. By week 15 all three were dead and I have now gone through another 3 surgical procedures, more changes in hormones, and am having genetic therapy in the first stages of IVF - GREAT more hormones, oh and we have also started the long process of adoption - obviously being joe bloggs doesn't get you preferential treatment. (if Angelina Jolie's brood ever get kidnapped I am probably prime suspect no.1) .

Brain - with all the above and the past going on, my brain is playing delightful tricks on me. Frequently my 12 personalities try to sabotage my dream, making me horrible to my beloved boy. Think about running away. wondering if I could have done things differently, will history repeat itself and the good old guilt trip of "I did something bad and now its going to come back to bite me in the bum"

THE PAST - Last time I tried NORMALITY I bought a house with a divorced man, had his children move in, and then his dying ex wife. Only to be beaten to a pulp one night, thrown out of my own home and needing my lawyer to come and collect my possessions - that had not already been thrown on the fire.

I know, I know. I can't back out now and I should just go with the flow and relax a bit, while packing but relaxing and ghost writing seems a better fit. one things for sure - Living in Belgium means I have an endless supply of good chocolate and good beer to get me through it and numb the brain a little in the process.

So Missing the ole Magic yet?

Laters xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx