Saturday, July 12, 2008

Things That Make Me Go Hmmmmmmm...

So I've been doing a bit of housesitting over the last month or so and both places I've been at have Foxtel. A luxury I never allowed myself in my old place. With good reason.

I'd never leave the sofa.

Most of it is crap, but some of it is genius. I've been watching lots of West Wing and Location, Location, Location and Grand Designs (I have a bit of a crush on Kevin McCloud, truth be told).

But I've also come across a few absolute pieces of utterly wonderful rubbish, which I felt I must share.

The first is aired on MTV and is called Rock of Love. Its pretty much The Bachelor. Except the bachelor in question is this man. Now I must admit that back in the day I was a bit of a Poison fan. I may have gone to their concert and I may still have their albums and I'm fairly sure that if you got me bladdered enough I could belt out a pretty amusing version of "Don't Need Nothin' But A Good Time". I didn't love them as much as I loved Motley Crue or Bon Jovi, but they were slightly ahead of Guns'n'Roses and well ahead of Def Leppard.

What can I say. I was a teenage rock slut. I liked nasty musos with tatts and long hair who sang degrading songs about women. Thankfully my tastes have matured somewhat since then. Although I still have a thing for Tommy Lee which can't be cured.

Anyway. Back to the topic at hand. Rock of Love. If you have Foxtel, check it out. Its astonishingly awful. These women will do anything to get a date with a crusty old 45 year old who has the same hairstyle he had back in the 80s. Its quite sad really, but rather fascinating. Like watching a car crash. There's a French woman with enormous lips (she must have used up all the collagen at the surgeon's office that day) who looks like she might have been a man at one point in the not so distant past. Its quite scary. In the episode I saw she was going in for a kiss with the Bretster and she had her tongue out ready before their mouths were even close! Eeeeeewwwwwwwwww. Much.

Now I feel a bit sick.

The second train wreck of a show which I am addicted to is Shear Genius. Its like Project Runway for hairdressers. They are beeeeyatches! Its hilarious. There's an Aussie chick named Tabatha who even has eyes like a cat, which is appropriate because she is the cattiest of the bunch. Its funny to watch though. She's brutally honest and "say it to your face" catty which I think intimidates a few of the American contestants who will be bitchy behind another contestant's back but not be gutsy enough to confront them.

Some of the hairstyles they come up with are hideous and they give them ridiculous challenges like "cut someone's hair using only gardening shears" but its fun to watch. I would hesitate to let any of them near my head with even a comb, but it makes for interesting tv.

The last show which I have been glued to is Gene Simmons Family Jewels. Yes. That Gene Simmons. The one who gave me nightmares as a small child. The man whose band's album was the first album I ever purchased with my own money. This show is kinda like The Osbornes, but with a few minor differences.

Firstly, the head of the household is coherent and articulate. He has weird hair and probably would look quite disgusting in those spandex outfits he used to wear (and let's face it, its unlikely he'd even fit into them nowadays) but he seems quite a decent bloke.

Secondly, his wife is not actually his wife. They've been together for 20 odd years but never married. According to son Nick, Dad calls it "happily unmarried" but Mom calls it "waiting". Oh and she's also an ex-Playboy model.

Thirdly, his kids are pretty normal. And nice. And pleasant. And not prone to throwing temper tantrums if things don't go their way. Nick is a genuinely nice boy who plays a bit of guitar and willingly attends his sister's volleyball games. Sophie is a lovely, sweet girl who is quite sporty and is interested in modelling.

The situations they show are probably all set ups and sometimes seem a little contrived, but they are quite an amusing family to watch. I'm hanging out for a Paul Stanley guest appearance... its unlikely though.

Anyhoooo... enough crap from me. I'd better go and do some work.

At least all this TV viewing is preventing me from spending loads of money... the current housesit is just a 10 minute walk from the city centre and all those shops and all those sales... eeek!


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