Hamster

Long time readers will no doubt remember this mildly controversial posting from back in the day. Whilst I stand by those choices to this day, there is another fella who has, of late, been attracting my attention and I'm a little conflicted as to whether he belongs on this list, or perhaps the "opposing" Guilt Free Three list.

This is the man in question:






What do you think?

I have to say, for quite some time now, the lovely Mr Hammond has been making my Monday nights something to look forward to. I even set the video when I know I'll be home watching, purely because I know I will want to watch it again and again. Last week's "turn an ordinary sedan into a stretch limo" challenge was hilarious, as was the "can you buy a car for less than hiring one in the US" special. And don't even start me on the tractor special... watching the Hamster driving the world's biggest tractor through a tiny village, I was laughing so hard I fell off the sofa.

I've even joined a Facebook group called (wait for it) "I'd Do Richard Hammond".

Because I would.

Really.

Anyway. I'm in a quandry. Not about why I adore him, but as to which of the lists he really belongs on.

Thoughts?

'Tis the Season

Ahhhhh, its that time of year again. Time for my beloved boys to return to doing what they do best (well, most of the time).

I thought for sure, that the game today would be televised in Sydney, since we are playing the Swans.

Right?




RIGHT?




No. Non. Niente. Nein. Noooooo siree bob.

No. Channel Ten, in its infinite programming wisdom decided that instead of watching the world's greatest game, those staying in on a Sunday afternoon might like to watch this piece of bollocks.




For fuck's sake.

If it wasn't for So You Think You Can Dance, I'd boycott Channel Ten.

Tossers.

The Rules (According to Burt)

Whilst listening to a bit of the Bacharachster the other day, it struck me that you really could use all his song lyrics as a guide for life. Seriously. Consider the following pearls of wisdom old Burt has offered up over the years:

1. If you get caught between the moon and New York City, the best that you can do is fall in love.

I'm not exactly sure how one would get caught between the moon and New York City, but its good to remember that if one ever did, the best thing one could do would be to fall in love.


2. You'll never get to heaven if you break my heart.

Nor should you, swine. You break my heart you are heading straight to hell in a handbasket.


3. LA is a great big freeway. Put a hundred down and buy a car.

Because you sure as hell wouldn't want to walk everywhere like you do in NYC. It'd take you all day to get from A to B and there's not much that's of any interest in between.


4. All the stars that never were, are parking cars and pumping gas.

Let that be a lesson to all you celebrity wannabes who don't have much talent. Have a better fall back option. Or be ready to head back to San Jose.


5. You see this guy? This guy's in love with you.

Not with me. You. Apparently you're the one he wants. And Burt came up with that waaaay before those Sex and the City writers came up with "he's just not that into you". Who da man?


6. If you see me walking down the street and I start to cry each time we meet... walk on by.

Because its embarrassing, quite frankly. For everyone.


7. Once in your life you'll find her. Someone who turns your heart around.

I'm not quite sure which way it will be turned, but it will be turned. Just once though. She's a busy gal - got lots of hearts to turn.


8. What the world needs now is love, sweet love.

As opposed to bitter love or sour love or some other nasty tasting love.


9. Dearest darling, I had to write to say that I won't be home anymore.

I couldn't call. You might have answered the phone and that would have made for an awkward conversation. Best not to let you get a word in.


10. I just don't know what to do with myself.

Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks.*


11. The moment I wake up, before I put on my make up, I say a little prayer for you.

God doesn't listen when I've got my slap on. He likes the natural look.


12. Breaking up is so very hard to do. If you really love him and there's nothing I can do, don't try to spare my feelings, just tell me that we're through. And make it easy on yourself.

However if there is something I can do, please let me know. I can't promise I'll do it though. You did just cheat on me you know.


13. If you should find you miss the sweet and tender love we used to share, just come back to the places where we used to go and I'll be there.

Unless one of those places is Camden Market, in which case just give me a call and we'll do coffee somewhere else.











* I know we're mixing things up here, but I'm sure Burt and Forrest won't mind.

Doin' It For the Kids

1. Leave his family alone. We know how he died, so can we now stop with all the awful rumours and leave his poor family in peace so they can get on with raising his gorgeous daughter to know she had a dad who adored her and didn't mean to leave her.




2. Leave her alone. She's nuts. We know that. She sure isn't going to win any Mother of the Year awards any time soon, but heck, look at who raised her and you get an idea of why. You chasing after her waving cameras in her face isn't helping her any. Give her time and space to get better so her kids can have a mom who's sane and might actually be around to see them grow up.





3. Leave her to grow up out of the spotlight. Stop flaunting her like she's some kind of fashion accessory or puppet. She'll end up like her mother. Or Brit Brit. Is that really the life she deserves?



That is all.


x

Spicy

Furious. I am FURIOUS.


If I'd known this was going to happen I would have gone to the UK last month to see them.


Really. I would have. And if I'd won lotto I would have taken MG and Princess with me.


Now I just have to live vicariously through my friend Loz, who did see them in London a few weeks back.


He missed out on seeing Take That though, so reckons we're now even.