Love him...

Love this boy...

What a champ.

What a game.

I can rest happy tonight.

Bring It On

My favourite season is approaching.

Its only one more sleep until the NAB Cup*.

Awesome.

My boys are back.

Well, not all of them. Crawford and Barker are out for a bit longer. But Spider, Harry, Chance, Dixon, Trent & Richie V will all be in there giving it a red hot go. There's a few newbies to look out for and hopefully we'll come away with a victory.

Irritatingly, I'm working a 9-5er tomorrow. Which means I'll miss probably the first two quarters. But if I hurry I'll be home in time for the last half.

Go the brown & gold. This is our year.






*Technically, it starts tonight. But my beloved boys don't play till tomorrow, so its still one sleep to go for me

Life is a Minestrone

Sometimes you just have to sit back and wonder about this random path called life.

Is it all part of a greater plan? Or is it just random acts of randomness?

I've found myself in some interesting situations in the last few days. With some very interesting people.

I spent most of the weekend rehearsing for two shows. Yep, that's two shows. Its not very often as an actor that you're rehearsing for more than one show at a time. Unless you're super-famous-and-in-demand. Which I've never been.

Show #1 is another Short & Sweet play which is on at the Seymour Centre this week. Completely different to the S&S show I did a couple of weeks back which makes for a nice balance. The director of this one approached me about two weeks ago to do this one, so we've had limited rehearsal, but gosh its been fun. I'm working with two of the funniest, most entertaining actors I've ever worked with. And I spend at least half of the play wearing an eye mask. Those ones you get on long-haul plane trips. So my vision is limited which makes moving around the stage fun. Its very liberating.

Show #2 is a Sam Shepard piece called Action. Its on at the Cat & Fiddle (Crypt Theatre) from the end of March. I love Sam Shepard. I love that he likes to f**k with the heads of the actors and the audience.

For instance, the initial stage direction for my character is that she has her back fully to the audience for pretty much the entire play. My director wants me to cheat it out so she can see my face. I think Sam has his reasons for me having my back to the audience and I'm fighting her tooth & nail. I love that no one gets to see my expressions. They just have to listen to what I'm saying and try and judge my intentions from my back. Its a spin-out.

We also get to eat an entire roast turkey every night on stage. And one of the boys has to gut a fish every night. In case you're not familiar with the Crypt, its a 45 seat theatre about the size of the average living room. The combination of smells produced from a roast turkey and a fish being gutted is either going to make the audience ravenous or make them throw up.

Brilliant Sam. F***ing brilliant.

So yeah, rehearsing these shows. Lots of fun.

Then today I get a call from Bestie Lulu's brother who is a journo. He's doing a feature for the weekend paper on fashion and wanted yours truly to be the 30-something example. So I had a bit of a discussion with him about my views on the current trends (cos I'm such an expert... not) and my personal style (or lack thereof). Then about an hour ago a photographer came a-visitin to Chez Erko and took what felt like a million photos of me in a couple of my everyday outfits. The results will be in this Sunday's paper. I'll let you guess which one and comment accordingly.

Like the song says, life is a minestrone...

I've gotta go get ready for our dress rehearsal.

xo

Dumped.

That meme is going to have to wait. There are more weighty matters on my mind at the present time.

Sorry. I know you were all hanging out for it. Not.

I've been dumped.

Not by a boy. I could deal with that I think.

But by a group of my (so-called) friends.

"Why?" I hear you ask?

Good question. I've done nothing to offend said group of friends.

Hang on a sec, let's just give them a name. Now, their initials are S&A, S&A (yes there's another set), A&R and D&L. What can we make out of that?

LARDAASS.

That'll do.

Right. Back to it.

Notice anything about those groups of initials above? Anyone? Bueller?

Ding! Correct, contestant number one. They're all in pairs. As in, they're all couples.

And for the past six years we've hung out together, gone on vacation together, taken drugs together, spent major holidays together and supported each other through life's ups and downs.

But no more.

Apparently A&R had a bbq last Saturday, as R's parents were in town from o/s. They're nice people, I've met them before. They wanted to catch up with "the gang", so a bbq was organised.

I found out about this bbq on Tuesday. Through Bestie P. She & hubby were invited. They've been invited to A&R's more in the last month (ie since bub's arrival) that they have in the last year.

A&R spent Christmas at my house the year before last. I'm still waiting for at least a dinner invite.

In fact I'm still waiting for them to email or phone me back regarding the catch-up lunch I invited them to over a month ago.

Apparently the LARDAASS's at the bbq asked how I was doing. Was that whole "acting thing" going ok. Was I famous yet. Was I still single. Bestie P asked why they just hadn't invited me and asked me themselves.

Their answer?

"Oh, well, you know, she just doesn't really fit in with the group now. You know, we're all married and have mortgages (on million dollar houses in the Eastern Suburbs) and kids and she's still single and living in a share house and doesn't have a proper job and probably won't ever have kids, so we really have nothing in common with her anymore."

Hmph.

I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of an episode of Sex & The City.

Except I don't have the pleasure of owning a closet full of Manolos.

I moped about for half a day wondering why the LARDAASS's were being so mean. I'm not single by choice. I'd love to meet a guy and pop out a few babies. I'd love to own a nice house and go out to decent restaurants twice a week.

But that's not my life. And its possible that that may never be my life no matter how much I'd like it.

But I'm accepting of where my life is right now.

And I'm not willing to settle for second-best in a relationship. I don't want to be stuck in a relationship (L&D from the LARDAASS's are the perfect example here) which has been on-again and off-again so many times that its just a joke, but you keep going back to because you are either too lazy or too scared to be single.

And even if I do choose to be single, why should I be persecuted for that?

These are intelligent, successful people. How did their minds get so narrow?

I'm in need of some advice here people. This is "phone a (blog) friend" time.

Do I:

A. Confront these so-called friends and ask them why they've chosen to elimiate me from their life?

B. Continue emailing/phoning them at regular intervals and hope that they'll respond eventually?

C. Send them all an email saying "f**k you all you LARDAASS's"?

D. Ignore it all and hope it will sort itself out?

E. Ignore it and just get on with life?


I know E is probably the most sensible option, but there's a part of me which really wants to let them know how hurt I am. Its really been weighing on my mind the last few days and I need some objective input. Bestie P is too close to all of them to be objective. Plus, bless her, she's coping on 2 hours sleep a night coupled with new-mother-nappy brain, so I don't want to bother her with it.

Advice?

xo

I'm working on that meme for Bevis.

Gosh it takes thought.

And time.

Time is precious at the moment.

I'm currently rehearsing for two plays. One is another Short & Sweet one which will be on next week (I was asked to do it last week!) and the other is the Sam Shepard play I'm doing in March/April.

Plus there's the "pay-the-rent" job which has to be fitted in somewhere or the rent doesn't get paid.

So I'm kinda busy.

But that's good. When I'm not busy I get bored. When I'm bored I get lazy. And then I do stupid things. Like spend money I don't have. And hang out with people I shouldn't hang out with. And get drunk.

All valid ways to waste time in my 20's but now I'm supposed to be a grown-up they take a bit more justification.

Anyway, that's my lame-ass excuse for not having blogged in the last little bit.

I'll be back soon - I promise!

xox

Phew!

Opening night tonight was great.

Dress rehearsal last night was a disaster, with the stage manager blithely informing me about 2 seconds before I stepped on stage that they'd changed my first lighting cue (on my director's request).

And even worse, she actually walked out ON TO THE STAGE to inform my fellow performer (who sits there playing the piano as the audience walks in) that they'd changed the cue. Professional... not.

Trouble was, my director hadn't requested the first lighting cue be changed.

And worse, the lighting guy fucked up and kept the original cue in. So I started my first speech, got mid sentence and the lights went black.

Not happy Jan.

But the old "bad dress run means great opening" certainly lived up to its reputation - we had a corker tonight. And the cues were spot on. I think our director put a rocket up their ass...

Oh and that director who messed with my head the other night (see post two below the one below - I'm too tired to link it) was in the audience and apparently loved it and thought we did a great job with it.

Phew.

I gotta get me some sleep.

xoxo

Be alarmed. Be very alarmed.

I received the following letter today in response to an email I fired off one drunken night last year to our beloved* PM, little Johnny.

_____________________________________________________________________

Dear Magical_M,

Thank you for your email of 3 November 2005 addressed to the Prime Minister, the Hon John Howard MP, concerning the new counter-terrorism laws. I am responding to your email because I am the Minister responsible for national security. (Really? YOU'RE in charge of national security? Holy fuck in a toaster).

The new counter-terrorism laws are the result of a concerted effort by Commonwealth, State and Territory Governments to create laws to better deter, prevent, detect and prosecute acts of terrorism. (...and get rid of the people that don't fit our model of a "pretty, white, wealthy Australia". I think you forgot to complete that sentence Phil.)

The Anti-Terrorism Act 2005 was passed by Federal Parliament on 3 November 2004. This Act clarifies that when proving someone is intending to commit a terrorist act it is not necessary for the prosecution to demonstrate an intention to commit a specific act. (You're ADMITTING that they don't need specific proof? So tell me, how the fuck do you prove that someone is INTENDING to commit a terrorist act??? HUH???) The more substantial Anti Terrorism Act (No. 2) 2005 was passed by Parliament on 7 December 2005. (What, there are two Acts? You forgot to add something the first time around?)

The new laws have been agreed to by State and Territory leaders and will be reviewed in five years. (Is that dependent on whether the more clueless members of our society are actually dumb enough to vote you lot in again at the next election, or have you made deals with the Opposition?) The preventative detention, control order and stop, question and search powers will sunset after ten years. (Sunset? What the?) State and Territory leaders are also enacting laws to give effect to preventative detention and stop, question and search powers in their particular jurisdictions. (Great. Give the States powers to lock people up because they look like they're intending to commit a terrorist act. I'm really keen to see how that will work in say, Queensland.)

In respect to your comments concerning the new sedition laws in Schedule 7 of the Anti-Terrorism Act (No. 2) 2005, I recently announced that the Government would refer these provision and the provisions in Part IIA of the Crimes Act 1914 to the Australian Law Reform Commission (ALRC) for inquiry and report pursuant to subsection 20(1) of the Australian Law Reform Commission Act 1996. The ALRC will report during 2006. (HUH? HUH??? All I asked is whether you lot would start an ASIO file on me or tap my phone, just because I called the PM something along the lines of a racist, narrow-minded, small-membered, f-word. A simple "yes" or "no" will suffice.

I have attached to this letter a detailed summary of the new laws and thank you for writing to the Government expressing your interest in this matter. (Interest... is that what you call it? I would call it outrage. Or disgust. I think "interest" is a bit tame)

Yours sincerely

Philip Ruddock
Attorney-General (Hang on Phil, I thought you said you were in charge of national security. You have time to be Attorney-General as well? Incidentally, what does an Attorney-General do? Do you have a job description or do you just kinda make it up as you go?)

_____________________________________________________________________

I haven't read the attachment Slimy Phil sent. I'm saving it for when I have insomnia. Or have to get all fired up for a role. Or run out of loo paper.

I must say though that I find it quite sad that it takes Slimy Phil six paragraphs to basically say:

"Ta for the email. We really don't give a fuck what you think, so get back in your box you lefty, artistic, bleeding heart bitch. We're watching you."


Think of the time he could save if he just got to the point.

And I wonder how much of my tax was spent on sending that letter out. I'm guessing at least $2.40 for the consumables (paper, printer ink, separate date stamp ink, envelope, stamp), maybe $7 for the time it took senior secretary to dictate it, $5 for the time it took the junior secretary to type it out, $3 for the time it took a senior secretary to proof-read it, another $4 for the time it took the junior secretary to make the corrections, another $2.50 for the senior secretary to check it again and then $1.50 for the junior secretary to date stamp it, attach the attachments, fold it, put it in an envelope and put it in the post tray? Not forgetting the mail room boy who would have had to frank the envelope and put it in the mail bag, plus the people at Australia Post... I'm thinking $25-$30?

I would have preferred that moula to go to the ABC thanks Phil. Remember that next time.

.
.
.
.
.


* Of course I'm being facetious... I hate that little f***er.

Its all good...

Thank you to the lovely Chai, Dxxxx & Kathie for your words of encouragement! I'm feeling much better about my work today.

Especially since I had the 1am brainwave this morning of going back over my script and "Laban-ing" it.

I don't know why I continually forget about that technique until late in the game... if only I used it from the outset I might not get so worked up.

If you don't know what Laban is, then the best thing to do is Wikipedia it! I can't really give you a decent explanation without writing paragraphs on it, but basically, its a movement based technique which helps you simplify and streamline your movement on stage. Doesn't work for everybody, but I find it fantastic for developing the rhythm of a piece. It also helps me prevent monologues from sounding too same-y.

I felt the effects almost immediately in our tech run this afternoon and with a bit more work on it tonight I think I'll be feeling a bit more secure.

xo

Slacker

Yeah, I know, I've been a slacker on the blog front of late.

I've been suffering from a combination of (1) serious lack of inspiration; (2) busy schedule of work and rehearsals; plus (3) retarded internet.

On the point of (3) - is anyone else with Unwired? I'm having serious connection issues with them. Maybe its because I'm in a weird spot (near a train line, lots of electrical appliances nearby where the computer is), but this whole cutting out every ten minutes or so is really getting on my wig.

Anyway.

Number (1) is probably the major reason for non-blogging. I've run out of inspiration. Or if I am inspired to write something then chances are the internet isn't working, which makes it a combination of (1) and (3).

Hopeless.

Issue (2) is not particularly valid. I'm doing a Short & Sweet show next week, for which I've only had three rehearsals. Its a ten minute piece. I shouldn't panic that we've only had three rehearsals. It'll be fine. I just have to trust in myself.

I clearly don't. Trust in myself that is. I suffer from over-achiever-itis. Also known as perfectionism, coupled with sheer-laziness and fear-of-failure-so-do-the-least-amount-of-work-possible-then-go-into-panic-mode-the-day-before-tech.

Not a good combination when you're doing what is essentially a ten minute monologue interspersed with a few lines from another actor.

This is the first time in my acting career that I have been the lead.

Yes, I know its a ten minute piece.

But still. It's basically just me up there on the stage, yabbering on.

What if the audience hates me? What if I look out and they're sitting there bored out of their skulls, checking their watches and heaving big sighs as if to say "come the fuck on and finish you boring cow, you suck worse than Betty Boo when she got boo-ed off stage in Melbourne"?

No pun intended.

I can't deal with that.

Usually, I'm the comic relief character. The dorky support actor who makes the audience laugh and has lots of fun because the success/failure of a show never rests on my head.

I'm just not cut out to be leading material.

I don't know why I ever agreed to do this.

I am scared shitless.

And to make matters worse I don't fit into the costume I'm supposed to wear. This one. The pretty stripy one on the left. Which was originally designed for this woman, who has a waist the size of a cigarette.

Herbal diuretics and lettuce leaves have been my mainstay for the last four days. And I've done more laps of the pool than I've done in a year. Unfortunately none of that is working and the scales are making me cry.

And after being told this evening by a certain director (who directed the play that won this week's heat at S&S) that he'd read the script for the play I'm doing and thought that it was so difficult it would take a "seriously talented actress" to pull off the role, I'm starting to wonder if I should even bother.

I'll sleep on it and let you know.

Tag #??

My longtime friend Kathie (we've only just discovered that we both have blogs!) has tagged me. And you know how much I love a tag.

Now apparently there are rules for this particular tag. They are as follows:

Remove the blog name in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add yourself to the bottom slot.

Ngaire
Charleigh
Samantha
Kathie
Magical_M

Hey wait, that's only one rule! Singular! Ah well.

And here come the questions:

What were you doing 10 years ago?

This time 10 years ago I was on my big solo road trip across the USA. No planning, no insurance, just five months and 32 states in my little silver Pontiac. I was pretty naive but the travel gods must have been smiling on me because nothing bad ever happened, even when I took that wrong turn into the dodgy part of Memphis late one night and ended up in the middle of what was clearly about to become a gang fight. I think the Aussie accent helped a bit there too.

And thinking about it, I have a vague suspicion that today (1 February) was the day after that particular incident. In which case I was probably standing in the jungle room at Graceland wondering how the hell Elvis came up with the idea of putting green shag carpet on the ceiling and even more fascinating, how the housekeeper managed to hoover it each week.

Those were the days.


What were you doing 1 year ago?

Nothing nearly so exciting as what I was doing 10 years ago! I'm fairly sure I was rehearsing for a Short & Sweet play, which is what I'm doing at the moment! But last year I was a sheep and this year I'm a sweet, dorky girl named Stella who is caught up in a fantasy about Erik Satie.


Five snacks that you enjoy:

• Cheese (any type);
• Olives (only Kalamata);
• Sweet Chilli Philly;
• Red Rock Deli Lime & Black Pepper Crisps; and
• Popcorn

My hips don't appreciate any of the above-mentioned snacks however. Especially not the Philly.


Five songs to which you KNOW all the lyrics :

Jeez - you want just FIVE? My friends will all attest to the fact that I am one of those hugely annoying people that has a weird knack (I prefer to call it a gift) for knowing the words to pretty much any song after I've heard it just once.

Cheesy boy bands (like Take That), showtunes (especially Kander & Ebb) and anything 60s or 80s are my specialty. For some reason I'm not good on the 70s, unless its KISS.

Oh and TV themes. I'm a genius on TV themes. Especially 80s ones like Webster and The Fall Guy.


Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

• Send my mum on a round-world trip for six months while I get her house renovated;
• Pay off my brother's mortgage, put money into a trust fund for his kids and pay for him to go to uni so he could have a career he loved rather than a job he hates;
• Hire an island for a month and fly all of my friends over to hang out with me;
• Buy a flat in London, an apartment in New York and a beach house in Sydney and spend four months a year in each; and
• Give a big chunk of moula to cancer research in memory of my dad.

Five bad habits:

• Eating crap;
• Procrastinating;
• Disco napping late in the day so I don't sleep well at night;
• Taking long showers; and
• Forgetting to return phone calls

Five things you like doing:

• Reading;
• Eating;
• Going to the movies and theatre;
• Drinking red wine; and
• Being on stage.

Five things you would never wear, buy, or get again:

• White tights;
• White shoes (even if they did cost me GBP150);
• One piece swimmers (only works if you have a decent bust);
• Spiral perm (yes it was the 80s, no I won't show you pictures); and
• Ballet (pointe) slippers (if you see my badly damaged feet you'll soon know why).

Five Favourite toys:

I wish I could say iPod. I really do. I want one so badly. And I want a wide-screen TV. And a zippy little sports car and a funky little notebook computer. My life is just full of wants.


Five People I am tagging:

Do I gotta?? OK then... but just the people I can probably rely on to actually give it a go.

Bevis
Ladycracker
MelbourneGirl
Scarlett
Dstah

Only if you feel like it people. Only if you feel like it.

xox