"Absolute. Frickin. Pants." aka "Blogging Will Not Get A Book Written..."

One of the TBAs (Two Blonde Amazons) has just suggested "Absolute. Frickin. Pants." as the title of my book. I like it.

The subtitle will probably be "Blogging Will Not Get A Book Written".

Which pretty much sums up for me how successful I feel these past five days have been in getting me writing the book I've been banging on about for ages.

I've got a document full of ideas, starts and character outlines, but nothing concrete. Not even so much as a proper chapter.

Absolute. Frickin. Pants. indeed.

However, a thought has just occurred to me.

The one book I've read since I've been here in the Catskills is "Makeovers at the Beauty Counter of Happiness" by Ilene Bleckman.

It was a short read - 128 pages - most only containing a paragraph of information and some pictures. An adult's picture book if you will.

Maybe this is the type of book I need to start with, instead of trying to force myself into writing one massive novel. I have the attention span of a gnat, I am a typical Gemini and my mind flits from topic to topic with such rapid speed that even I have trouble keeping up at times. Blogging is actually the perfect writing outlet for me. So why not keep on in that vein with the book?

It's a good idea.

(I think.)

There I go second guessing myself again.

It's the best idea I've come up with so far.

I'll run with it and see what happens.


x

Discoveries (Part 1)

Things I've discovered since being alone in the Catskills for the last 4 days:

1. I am a city girl. No denying it. As lovely as this place is, there is nothing TO DO. And although I'm rather good at not doing something, I'm absolutely awful when I have nothing to do.
   
   
2. I hate bugs. Seriously. I'm as eco-friendly as the next person, I use green products where possible, I try not to waste energy and I recycle. But damn, if a bug enters my space, it's gonna die, by whatever means I have at my disposal - eco-friendly or not.
   
   
3. If I didn't have my laptop with me and this cottage didn't have wireless broadband, I would have left two days ago. I can't not be in contact with the wider world, no matter how hard I try.
   
   
4. I'm a champion procrastinator. I really am. Even out here where there's very little to procrastinate with, I'm doing a brilliant job at procrastinating on writing that book.
   
   
5. When there's nothing else to do, I drink a lot of tea.
   
   
6. I need to live in a house with a bath. This place doesn't have one and I've really missed it.
   
   
7. There are only so many episodes of Spooks you can watch before you start locking all the doors and checking outside for MI5, FBI or CIA agents hidden in the trees.
   
   
8. I talk to myself. A lot. Our conversations are usually quite lighthearted though, so it's quite entertaining.
   
   
9. Thinking about someone won't make them contact you. I could probably contact them, but then I might be accused of "communication pressure". Ball. Court. Theirs. That's all I'm sayin'.
   
   
10. Thunderstorms are way more awesome (and way more scary) when you're in the middle of nowhere. Especially when there are skylights in the roof. And even more so when you're on your own.
    
    
11. Having no mobile reception is both liberating and frightening. At least there's a landline here, even if I only can only make local calls on it.
    
    
12. "Over At The Frankenstein Place" from The Rocky Horror Picture Show is not really the song you want to pop up on shuffle when there's a massive thunderstorm occurring overhead. Unnerving, much.

Stay tuned for Part 2. And possibly even Part 3. I don't leave here until Thursday afternoon.

x

Aaaaand, breathe.

Actually, it's ok to just chill and do nothing. This is what I have to tell myself.

I'm up in the Catskills and I'm putting pressure on myself to write. To create. To churn out that book I've been yabbering on about for ages.

But nothing's happening. A few pages here and there, but my brain jumps from idea to idea and I find myself getting distracted.

I'm also feeling a bit poorly. Every morning since I've gotten here I've woken up feeling dizzy, with the room spinning... the first two mornings I was physically sick. Yesterday was a lot better but today it's returned with a vengance.

I think it might be the lack of air flow in the cottage and the fact the bed is up in a loft area. There are windows and they do have screens, but despite that, there are these pesky black bugs that are a cross between a fly and a roach, which manage to make their way in of a night if any window is left open. There are no fans either, which is a bit of a pain since there's not much of a breeze.

I'm usually alright by about midday, but then I feel like I've wasted half the day so I berate myself for doing that.

But maybe it's just my body's way of telling me to slow down. After all, this is my first proper holiday in 3 years.

So I'm telling myself to breathe. And just be. I'm in one of the most gorgeous places on earth, I don't HAVE to do anything or be anywhere, for another couple of days at least, so I need to just step back and enjoy it.

Starting now.

I ♥ NY

First day of my 40s... an early morning stroll across the Brooklyn Bridge.

Greetings from New York! Well, technically I'm no longer in NYC, but I'm still in New York State... up in the Catskills in an old one room schoolhouse which has been converted into a sweet little cottage. I am completely surrounded by trees, grass, streams and sky. It is bliss.

The celebration of my birth-day was more amazing than I could ever have imagined - five of my loveliest friends made sure that I had the most amazing time and I love them so much for it.

We started the day with a trip to Tiffany & Co. Two of our party had arrived a little earlier and informed the staff of our plans, so as I walked through the revolving door in my LBD, I was greeted by the doorman (and about ten other staff) with a resounding "Happy Birthday!" and an invitation to enjoy some champagne in a private room. Total VIP treatment! We then spent two hours enjoying lots of trying on and purchasing, then went to the Loeb Boathouse in Central Park for lunch. After lunch we got to recreate one of my favourite chapters from one of my favourite childhood books (Elizabeth Enright's "The Saturdays") and took rowboats out on the lake. Then it was a stroll through Central Park and martinis on the rooftop of 230 Fifth, directly facing the Empire State Building. A quick trip back to the apartment to change for dinner and it was off to Balthazar in Soho for more festivities. What an amazing day.

In fact the only glitch in the whole day was the total lack of communication from my so-called-Bestie-P, who couldn't even be bothered to call, text, email, skype or facebook me to wish me a happy birthday. I had a minor meltdown during dinner with the subsequent result that I was too tired and emotional to actually last until the end of the night and had to be taken home to bed, which spoilt things somewhat, but luckily I was with a wonderful group of women who understood what I was going through.

Our friendship has been pretty rocky the last few months - I think Bestie P feels like I've abandoned her and I feel like she resents me for moving to Melbourne and starting a new life - but to be so petty as to not even wish me a happy 40th birthday is pretty much a dealbreaker for me, especially given both her sisters (one of whom I've never even met!) both sent me lovely messages on the day. It's been 6 days and I've still not heard from her... now I'm not sure I actually want to, except that I am godmother to her children and feel like I've been pushed out of their lives because of her issues with me.

But I'm not going to dwell on it.

I have five wonderful friends (the Two S Wives, the Two Blonde Amazons and Edina, as they've been nicknamed on the trip) who made sure that I had the most fantastic week of my life and I made a couple of lovely new friends (Snoop and 25-Second-Matt) who both went to massive efforts to make sure I had a great time even though they'd only just met me. For these seven individuals I am filled with love and incredibly grateful for each and every one of them.

And that's more than enough.

In fact, to quote one Bernice Pruitt...

My cup runneth over.

x

Yoiks!

Goodness!

It's been a month since I posted. Slacker. But I have been busy, honest.

Holding down two jobs is a little tiring - I need to get better at juggling the requirements of both. Even though one of the jobs allows me to work from home for 4 hours a week, I never seem to be able to set aside a proper chunk of time during daylight hours to do that, and end up working until 2am the night before I'm due to go in.

It's also only TWO WEEKS until I leave for my 40th birthday extravaganza in NYC, the Catskills and London!

[insert loud SQUEEEEEEEEE here]

When I first had the idea a year or so ago I never thought it would: (a) come off; (b) be so enthusiastically adopted by my friends; or (c) require so much organisation! Working out accommodation for 8 of us, taking into account various budgets, expectations and personalities has been challenging, to put it mildly. When you're also asking friends coming from around the globe, some of whom have never met each other, to share a room, there's potential for disaster, but I think it's all going to be ok.

The other issue has been that I'm NOT a planner. I tend to just amble along with a rough idea and see where the day takes me. This is the complete opposite of several of my friends who like to have every day planned down to the minute, so it'll be interesting to see how it all goes!

The lovely Britney has organised by actual birth-day - I got to make suggestions but I don't know exactly what we're going to be doing. I do know that we're going to Tiffany & Co so I can buy my present to myself - an Elsa Peretti pendant I've had my eye on for two years. I reckon turning 40 is worthy of a blue box, don't you?

I've also booked myself in this gorgeous little place in the Catskills for a week. Just me, my laptop and nature. If this doesn't get me writing, I don't know what will.




Isn't it just divine?

The place has no phone or mobile connection, but it does have wifi, so expect a blog or two while I'm there. Maybe.

In the meantime, I still have a whole lot more to do so that's me away. Just wanted to check in and say hi.

Hope you're all well!

x



PS - Things I'm liking at the moment (in no particular order): pan-fried haloumi; my fleecy black tights; walking through the autumn leaves; watching the EastEnders Omnibus each week; and Glee.

PPS - Things I don't really care for at the moment (again, in no particular order): train delays; waking up early on cold mornings; Dr Zhivago (the musical - it's like a Russian Bold & The Beautiful where Eric is having an affair with Brooke's granddaughter but the acting's worse); and our Prime Minister. She's such a disappointment.