Hair's The Thing...

* * * * WARNING * * * *

THIS POST CONTAINS SCARY PHOTOS OF SOAP ACTORS.
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

It has come to my attention today (having had a day off) that the men of daytime TV are doing themselves (and their viewers) a complete disservice with their appalling lack of grooming.

The long and the short of it is, almost every single one of them could do with a decent haircut.

Seriously. Have you watched daytime TV lately? It's horrendous. And I'm not talking about Bert (that's not hair, that's a small animal). I'm talking about the men on daytime soap operas.

I know for a fact (because Kate & I watched the closing credits), that there are no less than FOUR hair stylists on Days of Our Lives alone. We didn't bother to look at the number on The Bold & The Beautiful... we were too busy researching photos for this blog entry.

But still. Four hair stylists to choose from. You'd think therefore, that there would be no excuse for the appalling hairstyles these men (not to mention, we, the viewers) are subjected to on a daily basis.

But there is. Oh, but there is.

Allow me to show you.

Our first example of bad hair is the oddly named Jay Kenneth Johnson from Days of Our Lives. Kenneth was my uncle. It's a name I associate with old men. This guy (according to Google) is only 33. May I suggest you drop the Kenneth and just be Jay Johnson? Alliteration is trés trendy right now. Unlike your hair.



Firstly, the 90s are over my friend. And even if they weren't, it would still look horrible.

Secondly, you're only 33. You're too young for such a hairaster (hair + disaster = hairaster).

Get it cut and stop using Brylcreem. And remember. Drop the Kenneth.


Next up we have former General Hospital, Melrose Place and now The Bold & The Beautiful cast member, Jack Wagner:




Dude.

DUDE.

Mullets went out in the 80s. As did the big blow-dry.

You're 50. Get with the program.

And don't even start me on that hair colour. Time for a new colourist. And stylist... that jacket needs to be binned as well.


Thirdly, we have Jack's B&B alumni, Ron Moss:



Again with the mullet-y bits at the back! You're too old! Chop 'em off.

And the long sideburn-y bits which look to have been blowdried under. Not attractive. Especially when you have a jaw like Roger Ramjet.

At least you're allowing it to go grey. Although in the episode I watched today it was jet black. Don't do that. Jet black hair on a man in his 50s just looks WRONG.

Oh and the scarf.

Lose it. We know you have a crepey neck. Hiding it with a scarf only draws more attention to it.


Finally, we have a trio of hairaster. Although the guy on the left isn't too bad most of the time. It was just the episode which I saw today (not to mention the photo below) where his hair looked shocking. But the other two... well, they've had shocking hair since they started on Days of Our Lives back when I was in nappies.

Well, maybe not since I was in nappies. But for as long as I've watched it anyway, and I started watching regularly when I was about 13 and had glandular fever (so had to miss almost an entire term of school and languish on the sofa for most of the day). DOOL was the highlight in an era of Ray Martin and bad midday movies.

It was slim pickings indeed.

I present to you the DiMera boys. On the left we have James Wells (EJ), in the centre it's Joseph Mascolo (Stefano) and scowling away on the right is Thaao Penglis (Tony). You know he's a bad egg cos he's wearing all black. Costume designers on soaps are subtle like that.




James has a cute face. But in this shot his hair looks like its had an altercation with a lawnmower.

Joseph looks like he's been visiting Bert Newton's hairdresser. I'm thinking there are plugs involved. Anyone else agree? Regardless, it looks as though a small animal has been stuck on his noggin.

Thaao looks as though the top section of his hair has waged a simultaneous war with a hair straightener and a vent brush, while the back has stepped back and curled up on itself. I'm fairly certain he's had that same hairstyle since at least 1985.

In fact I think most of these actors have their heads planted firmly in the 80s/early 90s. Which was, let's face it, a horrible time for hairstyles the world over.

Therefore, I believe this is a situation which needs to be remedied, stat.

And I think Kyan Douglas is just the man for the job.

Since going AWOL from Queer Eye, I've lamented the loss of his sheer enthusiasm for highlighting the importance of male grooming on my TV screen. He could have a new show specifically concentrated on visiting the sets of these shows and bringing them into the 21st Century. I'd watch it for sure.

Who do I need to pitch this to?

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For the last few weeks I've been struggling to write. This blog, long overdue emails to friends, creative writing... anything. It's been a huge struggle to sit down and just get my fingers tapping away on the keyboard.

And its annoying me.

I've also been searching for some meaning to my life. Or more specifically, to what I'm supposed to be doing with my life.

You could say I'm struggling to find some purpose.

This isn't to say I don't like my life at the moment. I do. I have wonderful friends, I live in a great house, I have two jobs that pay pretty well and aren't overly taxing and my years of hideous debt are almost at an end.

But I just know there's more to life and I'm stuck in this haze of searching for it.

This morning when I was checking around my fave blogs I discovered this post from the fantastic Alison Byrne Fields. I first stumbled upon her blog when John Hughes died and she wrote about her amazing correspondence with him as a teenager. What she wrote then really resonated with me and described my feelings on the loss of an amazing director who greatly influenced my teen years far more eloquently than I could have done. Her post today summed up my current state of mind so well... it was really encouraging to know that I'm not the only one floundering a little.

But it still doesn't help me in my quest for working out what the hell I want to be doing with my life.

There's a lot of head chatter going on.

My amazing friend Elizabeth who is (amongst other things) an NLP practitioner, Reiki healer and Angel Therapy practitioner, has very wisely said that the key to a head-chatter free life is living in the NOW. No regretting the past or fearing the future - just focus on what is right there in front of you this very minute.

Wise words indeed.

But what if you don't really like what's there? How do you go about changing it? And how do you work out what you want to change it to?

I also found this week's horoscope quite pertinent:

It's tricky, not wanting to be tied down to something tedious work-wise, while knowing you have to put food on the table. Welcome to modern life! Your best bet to to worry less about how you'll keep everything okay at home, and to find work that you love. Mythologist Joseph Campbell said: "Do what you love and the money will follow."

Trouble is, what work will I love doing? If I knew that, if I could work that out, just decide on it, I'd be much happier.

You see, I'm beginning to notice a pattern with my life.

I keep falling into these jobs that I'm quite good at, since I'm a fairly efficient, organised and quick-to-learn person. These jobs pay the bills, but they leave very little room for creativity so I get bored.

I always start creative projects, but I rarely finish them.

I guess I'm just a little bit lost and lacking that fire in the belly which once drove me to do bold things. Like deciding that buying a plane ticket and starting a new life in a new country would be a great way to avoid the trap of suburban married life that so many of my friends were falling into at the time.

Nobody thought I'd last. I didn't think I'd last. But I did. I proved them (and more importantly myself) wrong.

But that girl... that bold girl who used to take risks has gone AWOL and I'd like to find her.

Soon.

... I Lost My Mind

I know this much is true.

Standing in the dark I was waiting for a man to come.

I am beautiful and clean.

And so very very young.

I don't have to be so wise.

You're just my fantasy.

And I will fantasize.

I only want to make things last.

So how could this have gone so fast.

If there's nothing else that I can do, I'll fly for you.

So give a little passion to a stranger.

And take this soul away.






Thanks lads. That was magic, that was.

One Sleep Till Spandau

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, its just ONE sleep until I get to see these boys.




So. Excited.


SOOOOO.


RIDICULOUSLY.


EXCITED.


I'm so excited that it took me four tries to spell 'excited' correctly.


So.

You may recall a previous post in which I debated whether or not I could afford to/really wanted to fork out approximately $150 to see the boys.

However thanks to the gods of ticketing, or rather, my contacts in the ticketing world, my hard-earned cash can now be spent on some merchandise.

Or not.

Yes, my gorgeous friend Brendon pulled some strings and scored me two tix for the show here in Melbourne tomorrow night. We loooooove him. In fact if it wasn't for the fact that he bats for his own team, I'd totally marry him for organising this for me.

A few of my Radelaidian mates went to last night's gig and all agreed it was awesome. So I'm expecting great things.

And I cannot even begin to describe how excited I am about finally (after nearly 30 years of adoration) seeing this man in the flesh:





So.

Damn.

HOT.