Vent

I gotta vent.

You'll have to bear with me - this is going to be a stream of consciousness thing and it may or may not make sense. But I've got to get it out.

Tonight, I felt physically threatened by a fellow actor for the first time.

Not the first time on stage... I mean off.

Only once before have I ever felt scared on stage...

It was during a play at the end of first year at drama school. I had to do a violent rape scene with another actor and despite the fact that we had assistance from the movement tutor and a classmate who was experienced in fight choreography to choreograph it down to the last shove, this guy changed the choreography every night and threw me around the stage to the point where I almost cracked a rib. By the end of the week I was black and blue and looked like an advertisement for domestic violence. Thankfully, we only had five performances. But I was terrified.

Since then, I've worked with the occasional actor (male and female) who has been a bit precious and wanky and self-centered. Its the nature of our industry. There are those people about. You deal with it. You brush it off. You don't let it affect you, or the show.

But tonight...

It was a bit of an up and down show. Cues were jumped, lines were missed, but there were some great moments amongst all the crap.

But the actor that has been causing the angst throughout the rehearsal process with his selfish, self-centred behaviour really iced the cake tonight. Its been building up all week and in retrospect I probably should have held my tongue, but it slipped out.

I should probably mention at this point that until a week ago, he was still on script. The stage manager was still feeding him his lines and when she wasn't there, I spent all the time I wasn't on stage following the script and feeding him his lines. And considering we've had the script since November I think that's pretty unprofessional.

Anyway, he came off stage tonight blowing his own trumpet about how perfect his performance was and how brilliantly he'd done and how he was word perfect.

Thing was, he wasn't word perfect tonight. Thing was, he jumped a whole page of dialogue, improvised the final scene and cut me off on the bulk of my lines and caused one of the other actors to lose half their dialogue.

Thing was, he's never been word perfect. Or even consistent.

And I called him on that. I told him he wasn't "word perfect" like he thought he was and that he'd cut off most of my lines. And the other two actors chimed in with the same comment.

He got angry.

He destroyed the set. He kicked the table until it broke, littering fish carcass all across the stage (which we were trying to clear so the second play which is on immediately after ours could get their set ready).

And he moved towards me with his hand up like he was ready to strike me.

Thankfully the director walked in at that point and stopped him. I shudder to think what he would have done if she hadn't.

Its been building for a while. He's never, ever, been able to get the lines right or the cues right, but he feels justified in telling the rest of us that we're not as important to the play as he is. That we aren't as central to the piece as he is. That we're nowhere near as experienced or as professional as him and that we should worship him for all the knowledge he is imparting to us.

We're fed up.

Its an ensemble piece, not a one-man show. At the moment it feels like its the three of us on one side and him on the other. And that sucks. We've tried. We've tried including him, we've tried getting him to work with us. But he's not having a bar of it. Its all about him.

Maybe he's a "method" actor. But that doesn't excuse his lack of professionalism.

He disappeared immediately afterwards without speaking to any of us. Hopefully he'll turn up tomorrow. Maybe he won't. We just don't know. And that scares me. That someone can be that unpredictable.

I don't like it.

I don't like being scared. I don't want to go to the theatre tomorrow wondering if I'm going to be safe. Wondering if tomorrow night is the night when he really loses it and whacks me across the stage.

Tonight I was shaking so much I came out of the dressing room and smoked three cigarettes in ten minutes.

I don't smoke. I don't like smoking. In fact, I haven't smoked a cigarette in almost six months.

That's what I hate the most.



Thank you for letting me vent. I feel better now. I hope all will be ok tomorrow.

Lights, Camera, Action

Our show opens tonight. Last night's preview went ok... we're all sick with flu and a bit cranky with each other so the energy was a bit lacking, but hopefully we'll do better tonight.

The audience last night was a bit small and quiet, but apparently we've sold 60% of the house already, so we might stand a chance of making some money out of this!

Anyone who wants a night out at the theatre, get yourselves along to the Cat & Fiddle Hotel in Balmain any night (except Monday) between now and April 9. 8pm Tues-Sat, 5pm Sun. See if you can spot which play I'm in (its a double bill and there's someone with the same first name as me in the other cast).

If I suck, don't tell me. Just run away after the show.

If I do ok, feel free to lavish me with praise and buy me a drink. Or three.



x

Friday Night Movie Night Recommendation #1

I've spent the last couple of nights at Bestie P's place, helping out with the gorgeous 10 week old Miss Piper, whose Daddy is in la belle France. Sadly, Daddy's Daddy had a heart attack and died quite suddenly two weeks ago, hence his absence. Philip was a top bloke - one of the loveliest of all my friends' parents - I will miss him.

So anyway, since I've had a few days off work, I've been helping out with Miss Piper so Bestie P can have some sleep. I'm getting quite the baby expert this week.

The payoff for me has been the fact that Bestie P's house is equipped with Foxtel.

I've decided there's a very good reason I don't have Foxtel at my house (besides the fact I can't afford it).

I WOULD NEVER SLEEP.

Sure, its the same crap repeated over and over, but my goodness. What a spectacular choice of crap. Last night I watched: double episodes of Sex & The City; a train wreck of a reality show called Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive (which is so blatantly awful it will be getting an entire post of its own at some point soon); Property Ladder (a show about how to renovate your flat for maximum property return), Martha Stewart (who showed me how to poach salmon) and a fantastic movie I hadn't seen in years.

Which gave me the bright idea of giving you all some Friday Night Movie Night recommendations. Considering we are entering the chilly season (we being the Southern Hemisphere... I don't want to hear any stories of wonderful spring weather from my friends in the Northern Hemisphere thank you very much), I thought you might like some classic film recommendations you can pick up at your local Blockbuster or Video Ezy on your way home from work on a Friday.

That's provided you don't have Foxtel of course. If you've got Foxtel just watch the reality wreck One Hit Single. Lisa Loeb's search for a man to marry so her mother will stop berating her for being in her mid-30s, single and childless. I can't watch it - I feel like I'm watching myself.

But I digress.

The first of my Friday Night Movie Night recommendations is the movie I watched last night, the fabulous:

Valley Girl

Here's a little plot summary for you, courtesy of my guru IMDB:

Julie Richman is a sweet-natured, if shallow, Valley Girl. After breaking up with her jerk boyfriend Tommy, she is at her friend Suzi's party ("the social event of the season") when two boys from Hollywood crash the scene. One of them, the sensitive and adventurous Randy, is immediately smitten with Julie, and she with him. Julie's friends, however, are not smitten with Randy purely because he is from "Holly-weird" and want Julie to dump Randy and get back together with Tommy. Julie must decide which is more important: her heart and the boy she loves, or the approval of her friends.

I haven't seen this 1983 cult classic since I was about 14 and I discovered it at the local video store. I think I liked it so much I hired it out again the following weekend. I do remember lamenting that I would never be as pretty a teenager as Deborah Foreman, who played Julie (and I was right). I also developed a massive crush on (the then 19 year old) Nicolas Cage, who played Randy. He was way cooler than the boys I had the misfortune to attend high school with. I also have a vague memory of my dad and I having a discussion about just why he wasn't quite as cool as Julie's dad (who was played by the wonderful Frederic Forrest). Julie's dad didn't give her a curfew. My dad was brutal... if I wasn't home and in bed by 10pm I'd be grounded for a week.

Two of my favourite songs are on the soundtrack - Melt With You by Modern English and Love My Way by The Psychedelic Furs, but the rest of the music was quite average. I don't think The Plimsouls or Josie Cotton really ever went anywhere after this movie. Incidentally, is Josie any relation of yours Travis? I'd hope not, but you never know.

Anyway... there you go. Friday Night Movie Night Recommendation #1.

Don't blame me if you don't like it. Its a recommendation. There's no obligation to take me up on it.

Happy weekends all.

xo

Get me an orphan and call me Ange

Its becoming an epidemic.

My friends are popping out bubs at a rapid rate and no sooner than they've had the first than they're up the duff with the second.

Congratulations Tink. I hope number two is every bit as cute and sweet-natured as number one.

Tink's sister-in-law-in-law (this woman's brother is married to Tink's sister... I don't know what else to call it) who is also a mate is due next month, as is another mate.

Two of the LARDAASS's are expecting their second bubs in the next couple of months... but having had no contact from them I'm not planning on acknowledging those.

And today...

Today, I am shooting a commercial for Red Cross Blood Service*.

I am portraying

(wait for it)

The mother of twins.


*waits patiently for the peals of laughter to stop*


*taps foot*


*hums*


Alright, alright. Enough already. Its not that funny.


*glares*


Actually, yes it is. I find it quite amusing that the closest I am getting to motherhood is being paid to pretend to be a mother.

Of course it does have the downside of my mother re-initating the conversation about me "freezing my eggs". She's quite serious. She's even offered to pay for it. You'd think, with four grand-daughters running about the place she'd be happy.

But no. She wants a grandson.

Seems she's not fond of my suggestion that I adopt a small Cambodian boy, give him a punk hairdo and a weird name and trail him around the world with me.

Can't think why. I reckon he'd go down a treat in her conservative little suburb of southern Adelaide.







* I also find it quite amusing that I, who have never donated blood, is doing a commercial for the Red Cross Blood Service. Its not that I've never wanted to, its just that when I was younger I was too underweight and now that I'm a normal body weight I'm discrimated against because I lived in England during the BSE years and may potentially have mad cow disease. Picky, picky, picky.

Thanks Bevis

Big thanks to Bevis for the heads-up on this one.

Although I'm an avid reader of trashy mags, I never buy this one.

Til yesterday.



He's on our fridge.

Smack bang in the centre.

Pride of place.

I owe you one Bevis.

XBox 360 Anyone?

I'm sitting at my desk mindlessly gazing across the foyer... at twenty or so stands, each of which has a speccy flat screen and XBox 360 attached. At least I assume its an XBox 360... that's what they say on the little placards at the top of the screen. And there's little game controller thingies on each side.

They must be having the launch or something.

I'm not a fan of XBoxes or Playstations (or whatever the equivalent is) myself.

In fact I hate the things. One of my exes insisted on having one in our bedroom... it gave new meaning to the phrase "let's have a quick one before we get up".

But I'll happily attempt to nick one for anyone who is a fan.

I might need a truck or a van though.

LARDAASS update

Its a bit overdue, but I've been meaning to post this email which I received shortly after my post about being dumped by the LARDAASS's. This post.

This email came from one of my dearest friends in the whole world. And I mean world because she is currently living in Belgium. We met nearly ten years ago when we were both corporate slaves in London. I love her to bits and I wish that we still lived in the same city.

I was so thrilled that she took the time to write this email. It has helped me more than she will ever know.

*********************

M - please forward this message on to anyone you like or even blog it, with my greatest pleasure and support. Ems xxxx


Dear LARDAASS,

As a very dear friend of Magical_M's, I was shocked and disgusted to read her blog of 13th February 2006.

Which I assume as good friends you would religiously read to catch up on how she is doing, its a great way for the spineless to keep in touch!!

Now having had a while to mull her thoughts over - and deal with my initial upset at humanity, I now feel in a position to reply not only on her behalf, but on behalf of all my friends out there who, as soon as they hit their 35th-ish birthday go through the same funeral.

Many, many, people are single AND very happy. I love my single friends - why - because they are always there for you and not so caught up in their own little universes to be so selfish as to forget what a friendship truly means.

They are always around to have a laugh, babysit and give your pre pregnancy figure clothes to, while they look on enviously at your little brood. They always have time to cook, paint their nails, experiment with their bikini lines and report back - which ever since the "Hollywood" I have been eternally grateful for!

They remind you all the good things about your life and why you should be grateful you are alive - while you are trying to find something to wear that isn't covered in baby vomit, or reminds you of your ex, or frankly you are just too tired to wear anything that pulls over the head anymore.

I also love my single friends, because they really do love you unconditionally - not just because you spawned their devil for them, which I am sure you keep having to remind your other halves about continuously.

Also - and let's be real here. One day - and you don't know when - your little universe could be snatched away from you and then what have you got.

I'm not talking about the hubby leaving with the au pair or the wife running off with the gardener. I am talking about those moments that really do happen. Like your hubby dying on the footie pitch in front of your eyes. Your children being snatched from you by some psychotic person never to be seen again. Your wife to be hit by a drunk driver, while she is out getting pampers. Or being told one of you only has 4 months left on this earth.

This stuff really happens and what are you going to do then. You can't go to your old mate who you selfishly and short sightedly dumped, because as single friends do, she will have moved on QUICKLY, with the right attitude of "too late mate, you deal with your own shit, not my problem anymore - sorry haven't got the time for you". No you will just have to make do with the in laws and self help groups and relying on your brood to give you the love you so miss.

Well wake up folks 'cause self help groups only run two hours a week, in laws are overbearing and kids grow up and leave too. Oh and just to point out smug marrieds only like you when you are also smug married - so don't think they will be hanging around either.

I think at this point it might be important to inform you that I am in a VERY loving relationship and am trying for a family, I live on the other side of the world, and so my friendship with Magical_M is stretched, but I do not love her any less or want her in my life any less.

I too have been treated in the same way as you are treating Magical_M and I too grieved the loss of my closest mates, but now they are dead to me and when they have indeed tried to catch up and get support from me they have had zero response.

So, at the end of the day it is your life, every action has its consequences and can you really afford to lose such an ally and support as Magical_M?

I guess though as I reckon you are all spineless ignorant criminal offspring or alcoholic irish rejects with learning difficulties* - this is all probably far too much information for you to take on board in one sitting. And I guess that's why you live on the other side of the world - so far away from civilisation. THE REST OF THE WORLD DOESN't CARE ABOUT LOW LIFE LIKE YOU.

So in earnest I say - please remain bottom feeders and know your place.

Magical_M - move on get over them - you are far too good to be wasting any more emotional intelligence on this lot. They disgust me.

*********************

I wish that the LARDAASS's read my blog and could read that letter. Sadly, they don't even reply to my emails anymore.

I've attempted to get in touch with them a couple of times since, but they're still ignoring me, so I can only chalk it up to one of life's many "things" and move on. With the support of friends like Ems, Besties Paige & Lulu and my little family of fellow Bloggers.

That's all for today.

.

.

.

.

.

* I should point out that with the exception of three of them who are Aussie born & bred, they are all natives of the Northern Hemisphere. Oh and Ems loves Australia. She does. She even lived here for a while.

For the record

These are my Oscar picks. Just the major categories. I don't have time for all the nitty gritty categories (as important as they are, I'm under pressure to get this up before the Oscars start!).

I doubt I'll get any of them right, but I'm putting it out there anyway and we'll check back tomorrow and see how I did. And I'm using a code:

Bold = Will win
Italics = Probably won't win but I'd prefer that they did win
Strikethrough = Snowball's chance in hell of winning

Anyone else want to put their picks out there?

Best Actor:
Philip Seymour Hoffman in "Capote"
Terrence Howard in "Hustle & Flow"
Heath Ledger in "Brokeback Mountain"
Joaquin Phoenix in "Walk the Line"
David Strathairn in "Good Night, and Good Luck."

Best Supporting Actor:
George Clooney in "Syriana"
Matt Dillon in "Crash"
Paul Giamatti in "Cinderella Man"
Jake Gyllenhaal in "Brokeback Mountain"
William Hurt in "A History of Violence"

Best Actress:
Judi Dench in "Mrs. Henderson Presents"
Felicity Huffman in "Transamerica"
Keira Knightley in "Pride & Prejudice" (what were they thinking even nominating her?)
Charlize Theron in "North Country"
Reese Witherspoon in "Walk the Line"

Best Supporting Actress:
Amy Adams in "Junebug"
Catherine Keener in "Capote"
Frances McDormand in "North Country"
Rachel Weisz in "The Constant Gardener"
Michelle Williams in "Brokeback Mountain"

Best Animated Feature Film:
"Howl's Moving Castle"
"Tim Burton's Corpse Bride"
"Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit" (they'll get the sympathy vote for that fire)

Best Cinematography:
"Batman Begins" - Wally Pfister
"Brokeback Mountain" - Rodrigo Prieto
"Good Night, and Good Luck" - Robert Elswit (best use of B&W I've seen in a long time)
"Memoirs of a Geisha" - Dion Beebe
"The New World" - Emmanuel Lubezki

Best Director
"Brokeback Mountain" - Ang Lee
"Capote" - Bennett Miller
"Crash" - Paul Haggis
"Good Night, and Good Luck" - George Clooney
"Munich" - Steven Spielberg

Best Foreign Language Film
"Don't Tell" - Italy
"Joyeux Noël" - France
"Paradise Now" - Palestine
"Sophie Scholl - The Final Days" - Germany
"Tsotsi" South Africa

Best Film
"Brokeback Mountain"
"Capote"
"Crash"
"Good Night, and Good Luck"
"Munich"

Adapted Screenplay
"Brokeback Mountain" - Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana
"Capote" - Dan Futterman (just because I love Dan Futterman)
"The Constant Gardener" - Jeffrey Caine
"A History of Violence" - Josh Olson
"Munich" - Tony Kushner and Eric Roth

Original Screenplay
"Crash" - Paul Haggis & Bobby Moresco
"Good Night, and Good Luck" - George Clooney & Grant Heslov (cos he's got to get something)
"Match Point" - Woody Allen (notice he's not won an Oscar since Soon-Yi?)
"The Squid and the Whale" - Noah Baumbach
"Syriana" - Stephen Gaghan

No alcohol for me this week

I had a bit of a big night last night.

Unintentionally of course.

And I didn't even go to Mardi Gras, although I was in the X in the wee hours.

This more or less sums it up...


Ouch.

This is how I feel today

Tired.

Bored.

Over it.

But isn't Miss Piper just precious? For a five week old she's certainly got it all sussed.

Its Late Coming...

Let's just take a minute and all bow down to Bob, shall we?

I've not written anything about the Aussie version of The Biggest Loser, which is a bit odd considering I am really loving seeing spunky Bob on my TV five nights a week.

But I will. Just not today. Today I need to finish an application for a mentorship program which is due Friday. And I need to be putting in some quality script time before my rehearsal this afternoon.

But just in case you were wondering, here's an abridged version of my opinions:

Bob rocks. Especially after that soccer match last night.

Jillian is cool. She scored major points from me after her "Get up... woman" comment to Wal (who had just collapsed mid push-up).

I'm not sold on Ajay Rochester... if you close your eyes (or if you've ducked out to the kitchen to make a snack), she sounds like Georgie Parker. Christ knows we don't need another Georgie on TV. And since when is she a size 10, like she claims in her biog? If she's a size 10, I'm still shopping in the kid's section.

My Blue team favourites are Artie, Tracy and Fiona (aka Custard Girl). Especially Artie. He cracks me up. I can take or leave Cat - she's a bit insipid. I want to slap Harry for being an obnoxious, rude, insensitive, ignorant pig. That whole crying about his kids thing was a ploy to mask his nasty side.

Adro is the only (current) red team member I like. His face after that football game! I really liked David, but he got dudded by his team. Jo was a two-faced bitch - glad she's gone. Shane is creepy and weird. There's something quite shifty about him. Kristie and Ruth are like two bitchy mums in the schoolyard who talk behind the other mother's backs. I don't like or trust either of them.

And the jury is still out on Big Wal. Some nights I like him, other nights I want to smack him.

But in the end, for me, its all about Bob.

Let's just have another perve...



More soon.