LARDAASS update

Its a bit overdue, but I've been meaning to post this email which I received shortly after my post about being dumped by the LARDAASS's. This post.

This email came from one of my dearest friends in the whole world. And I mean world because she is currently living in Belgium. We met nearly ten years ago when we were both corporate slaves in London. I love her to bits and I wish that we still lived in the same city.

I was so thrilled that she took the time to write this email. It has helped me more than she will ever know.

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M - please forward this message on to anyone you like or even blog it, with my greatest pleasure and support. Ems xxxx


Dear LARDAASS,

As a very dear friend of Magical_M's, I was shocked and disgusted to read her blog of 13th February 2006.

Which I assume as good friends you would religiously read to catch up on how she is doing, its a great way for the spineless to keep in touch!!

Now having had a while to mull her thoughts over - and deal with my initial upset at humanity, I now feel in a position to reply not only on her behalf, but on behalf of all my friends out there who, as soon as they hit their 35th-ish birthday go through the same funeral.

Many, many, people are single AND very happy. I love my single friends - why - because they are always there for you and not so caught up in their own little universes to be so selfish as to forget what a friendship truly means.

They are always around to have a laugh, babysit and give your pre pregnancy figure clothes to, while they look on enviously at your little brood. They always have time to cook, paint their nails, experiment with their bikini lines and report back - which ever since the "Hollywood" I have been eternally grateful for!

They remind you all the good things about your life and why you should be grateful you are alive - while you are trying to find something to wear that isn't covered in baby vomit, or reminds you of your ex, or frankly you are just too tired to wear anything that pulls over the head anymore.

I also love my single friends, because they really do love you unconditionally - not just because you spawned their devil for them, which I am sure you keep having to remind your other halves about continuously.

Also - and let's be real here. One day - and you don't know when - your little universe could be snatched away from you and then what have you got.

I'm not talking about the hubby leaving with the au pair or the wife running off with the gardener. I am talking about those moments that really do happen. Like your hubby dying on the footie pitch in front of your eyes. Your children being snatched from you by some psychotic person never to be seen again. Your wife to be hit by a drunk driver, while she is out getting pampers. Or being told one of you only has 4 months left on this earth.

This stuff really happens and what are you going to do then. You can't go to your old mate who you selfishly and short sightedly dumped, because as single friends do, she will have moved on QUICKLY, with the right attitude of "too late mate, you deal with your own shit, not my problem anymore - sorry haven't got the time for you". No you will just have to make do with the in laws and self help groups and relying on your brood to give you the love you so miss.

Well wake up folks 'cause self help groups only run two hours a week, in laws are overbearing and kids grow up and leave too. Oh and just to point out smug marrieds only like you when you are also smug married - so don't think they will be hanging around either.

I think at this point it might be important to inform you that I am in a VERY loving relationship and am trying for a family, I live on the other side of the world, and so my friendship with Magical_M is stretched, but I do not love her any less or want her in my life any less.

I too have been treated in the same way as you are treating Magical_M and I too grieved the loss of my closest mates, but now they are dead to me and when they have indeed tried to catch up and get support from me they have had zero response.

So, at the end of the day it is your life, every action has its consequences and can you really afford to lose such an ally and support as Magical_M?

I guess though as I reckon you are all spineless ignorant criminal offspring or alcoholic irish rejects with learning difficulties* - this is all probably far too much information for you to take on board in one sitting. And I guess that's why you live on the other side of the world - so far away from civilisation. THE REST OF THE WORLD DOESN't CARE ABOUT LOW LIFE LIKE YOU.

So in earnest I say - please remain bottom feeders and know your place.

Magical_M - move on get over them - you are far too good to be wasting any more emotional intelligence on this lot. They disgust me.

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I wish that the LARDAASS's read my blog and could read that letter. Sadly, they don't even reply to my emails anymore.

I've attempted to get in touch with them a couple of times since, but they're still ignoring me, so I can only chalk it up to one of life's many "things" and move on. With the support of friends like Ems, Besties Paige & Lulu and my little family of fellow Bloggers.

That's all for today.

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* I should point out that with the exception of three of them who are Aussie born & bred, they are all natives of the Northern Hemisphere. Oh and Ems loves Australia. She does. She even lived here for a while.