Shuffle A Life...

Today's post comes to you courtesy of the lovely Lisa Rullsenberg.

Those of you who know me will know that this is exactly my "thang". Especially since I have nearly 5,000 songs on my iPod. I'm excited to see what comes up.

Those of you who don't know me, may find yourselves learning something quite disturbing about my musical preferences.

Read and learn people. Read and learn.

So.

The deal is...


Go to your music player, set it to shuffle/random, and answer the following questions with the title of the FIRST song that you skip to each time.

No cheating!

[I like that it says that. Like I might be ashamed of some of the songs on my iPod. Pssshaaawwww. I'm not ashamed. Not really.]


If you reached the top of Mount Everest, you would shout:
"The Lonely Goatherd" - Julie Andrews & The Von Trapp brats (Sound of Music Soundtrack). Ooooh... spooky! I probably would be yodelling my head off if I'd climbed a mountain.


The next time you stand up in front of a group of people, you'll say:
"Big City" - The Pogues (Waiting for Herb)


Your favorite thing to say when drunk is:
"Mockingbird Girl" - The Magnificent Bastards (Tank Girl). Great soundtrack. Terrible film.


Your message to the world:
"Love Ain't Here Anymore" - Take That (Everything Changes). Sure feels that way right now.


When you think of your best friend you think:
"Stuck With Me" - Green Day (Insomniac). Poor Bestie P. She really is stuck with me.


Your deepest secret:
"Cordell" - The Cranberries (To The Faithful Departed)


Your innermost desire:
"Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" - AC/DC (Trax - Australian Made II). Quite right too. No point in pretending any different.


Your oldest memory makes you think:
"Let Me Go Rock and Roll" (Live) - KISS (KISS Gold Disc 1). Very appropriate seeing as KISS: Unmasked was the first album I ever bought.


Somewhere in your wedding vows, you should have included:
"Nas' Angels... The Flyest" - Pharrell (Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle Soundtrack). Which probably explains why I'm not married.


On your deathbed, you'll whisper:
"Fame" - Irene Cara (Fame Soundtrack). Well if that's not just the most appropriate song ever for me then I don't know what is.


Your friends say behind your back:
"He's On the Phone" - St. Etienne (The Greatest Hits of '96). They've probably said that plenty of times as a veiled reference to whichever scuzzball I was dating at the time.


You say behind your friends' back:
"Sexed Up" - Robbie Williams (Escapology). I like that Robbie has made it into this list twice. Monkey. And yes, most of my friends are sexed up. Bastards.


Your opinion of Blogging:
"Breathe" - The Prodigy (Now Dance '97 Disc 2). Make of that what you will.


When you wake up in the morning, you mutter:
"Random Acts of Kindness" - Robbie Williams (Intensive Care). Wow. He's made it on the list again. Out of nearly 5,000 songs, there have been 3 RW tracks pop up. Is that like, significant?


If you found yourself lost on a desert island, you'd yell:
"Fandango" - Lynne Wintersteller & Richard Muenz (Closer Than Ever Act II). And let's face it, why the hell wouldn't you? No one there to tell you not to.


Right now, your feelings are:
"Hungry Eyes" - Eric Carmen (Dirty Dancing Soundtrack). LOVE. IT. C'mon! Everyone now... "Goog-oong. Goog-oong. Its a heartbeat".


What's your excuse for reposting this music survey?:
"Star Hotel" - Cold Chisel (The Best of Cold Chisel). I'm a bit lost on that one.


Your life's soundtrack:
"Somewhere Along The Way" - Dean Martin (The Rat Pack). You tell 'em Deano.


The day you fell in love was the day that:
"Wednesday Morning, 3am" - Simon & Garfunkel (The Essential Simon & Garfunkel Disc 1). Very appropriate. If you swap the gender reference around.


You Scream During Sex:
"The Birds Will Still Be Singing" - Elvis Costello (Extreme Honey). Hmmmmmm....


Your farewell message to the readers of this music survey:
"Blues In The Night" - Ella Fitzgerald (The Harold Arlen Songbook, Volume 1). Nothing finishes it off like a bit of Ella.

So.

Learn anything?

Ready, Steady...

Guess who's auditioning for Ready, Steady, Cook?

Guess?

I bet you can't...

Alright.

ALRIGHT!!

I was just trying to create some tension there.

I realise I failed and bored you silly.

Anyway, contestant number one. You are correct. Tis moi.

The exec producer of RSC is a mate of our artistic director and she suggested it might be a good way to plug our fledgling little theatre company. And, on the upside for them, they get contestants who can speak (reasonably) articulately whilst chopping. Well, not chopping finely, but coarse chopping and talking at the same time is achieveable for me.

Anyway.

I've been giving much thought to the questionnaire they get you to fill in and there are three questions which have stumped me. So those of you who know me and have been subjected to had the pleasure of tasting my cuisine, please to be offering suggestions for how I can fill in the blanks.

1. What is your most embarrassing/most disastrous cooking/eating experience?

2. Tell us about your most memorable meal - good or bad?

3. Tell us one thing about you no one else knows?


Question 1 is a bit of a problem... I don't have any funny "Bridget Jones Blue-String-Soup" stories to tell because I've never cooked a really hideously inedible meal or blown up a kitchen or anything like that. I managed to get through the cooking side of Home Ec quite well, it was the sewing side that I was kicked out of.

Just as well I'm not auditioning for Ready, Steady, Sew.

But anyone out there who has memories of a terrible meal I've cooked for them, please refresh my memory with the details.

For Question 2... and its is probably best for you to make a call on this one Ems... I was thinking of the time I was taken out to a posh London restaurant on Valentine's Day by one of my co-workers* because (a) his girlfriend at the time decided she was having too much fun in New York and extended her holiday; (b) he'd already organised the eight course, £250 per head dinner and was majorly pissed at her cancelling on him at the last minute; and (c) he knew the boy I was in love with at the time had cruelly flown to Boston for Valentine's weekend to visit his brother.

Is that too odd (and involved) to be potentially aired on national television?

As for Question 3, I know asking y'all to offer suggestions for that is a bit dumb, but there are a few of you out there who know some of my secrets that I may have pushed to the back of my subconscious and temporarily forgotten, so work with me here. My dodgy taste in music doesn't really cut it as an answer because everyone knows that I listen to stuff even a deaf person knows is daggy.

And everyone knows about my GR3 so they're not an option either.

SO! Any suggestions you may have will be most welcome. Even made up stuff that sounds good will do.

Answers on a postcard please.

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* I can see your brain ticking over at that cryptic clue there Ems. YOU remember. The blonde, bespectacled German one who sat on the other side of the dour Dutch one and would only eat Ritter Sport chocolate!

You Taking Note of This Mom?

Here's some news that my mother, along with the rest of my family and all my smug married friends... (yes, I mean you!) might find heartening...

Evangelista Gives Birth to Boy
Supermodel Linda Evangelista gave birth to a baby boy in New York City on Wednesday (11 October). Augustin James Evangelista is the Canadian-born beauty's first child. Evangelista is currently single, but has been spotted in the past with pasta heir Paolo Barilla and fellow Canadian Bryan Adams. She was married to former modeling agency president Gerald Marie from 1987 until 1992.

Lookit ma! Linda Evangelista had a baby. And she's SINGLE. And she's 41.

Don't give up on me just yet... I've got at least another 6 years!

Loads of time to find a bloke. Or if worst comes to worst, a sperm donor.

Oh and don't worry. I wouldn't dream of landing my firstborn with a name like Augustin. Although I suspect he'll be known as Gus before long.

And Ems honey... take note. It'll happen for ya. I just know it will. Like George Michael says, you just gotta have faith. Now go and play some air guitar.

xx

Someone Give That Man A Slap

I have to say its really easy for me to get wound up when it comes to Tom Cruise... the man is a pillock.

But this report takes the cake... it really does. It makes me want to go and beat him over the head with an Ab Master.

Cruise Hires Babysitters So Holmes Can Get in Shape
Tom Cruise has hired a team of babysitters for his fiancee Katie Holmes so she has time to get in shape for their glitzy wedding ceremony. According to gossip website Tmz.com, the Mission Impossible actor is reportedly "very concerned" the actress loses the weight she gained while pregnant before their big day, which is set to take place in early November. To ensure Holmes looks perfect when she walks down the aisle, Cruise has joined her on the grueling training sessions - and has drafted an army of babysitters to look after their baby daughter Suri so they can exercise without any interruptions.

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.

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"Very concerned" that she lose weight. Why, cos she's FAT? She just had a baby, you loser. Which may or may not be yours, depending on which conspiracy theory you subscribe to... but that's a whole other post.

Women get a little tubby when they get pregnant Tom - its part of the deal. They're carrying another human around inside them. I know Nicole has been and always will be a stick, but she ADOPTED those kids. Some other women got a little chubby so she didn't have to.

Here's an idea Tom. How about you worry about what YOU look like for the big day... maybe get a head transplant? You're not exactly phwooooaarrrr material these days. In fact I don't think you ever were. Leave Katie alone. She's given you the kid you always wanted, she's marrying you - isn't that enough?

And Katie... get some freakin' backbone girl. Tell him to shut up. If he doesn't think you look good enough to marry then tell him to go jump. I think you look fine... as does most of the (normal) world.

Although you might want to look in the mirror before you go out to make sure you don't have another incident like this one...

Hitch the straps up a bit luv. The maternity bra is a bit too visible.

And In News Just To Hand...

Today we bring you all the juciest news, from the newsdesk of magical_m.

Dempsey and Washington Have On-Set Spat

Boys! Stop this bickering and let's work this out sensibly. So its Isaiah on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays... Patrick on Tuesday, Thursdays and Saturdays and BOTH of you on Sundays. OK?

Grey's Anatomy co-stars Patrick Dempsey and Isaiah Washington were involved in a heated argument on the set of their hit show on Monday which nearly ended in a fist-fight. Dempsey, 40, and Washington, 43, nearly came to blows during a spat over shooting issues. Washington tells US publication People, "We were like two baseball players... nose-to-nose. We had a difference of opinions while working on set but we've resolved it." Washington, who plays Dr. Preston Burke says the fight began over "time and (keeping) the production going. The communication was lost in translation." But he says no punches were thrown adding, "Our faces are too beautiful for that!" Dempsey's representative says, "In close families arguments happen. They worked it out." Washington added jokingly, "I've never been that close to (Patrick) before. He has really pretty blue eyes."

Well.

WELL.

What wouldn't I have given to be in the middle of that "heated debate"?

McDreamy vs Burke. Ooooooh, its every fantasy I've ever fantasised about. Ever.

Mmmmm...

[goes and splashes face with cold water]

Right. Sorry about that. I'm back.

Our second story tonight comes to you from the country where back in 1996 I was chased by a hippo and ate warthog for the first (and only) time in my life. Two separate incidents of course.

Madonna Adopts An Orphan

Madonna auditions dancers for her upcoming "If Angelina can do it, so can I" Tour

According to those in the know, the Material Girl herself (along with lap dog/director husband Guy "my son is a mini-me" Ritchie) have adopted a Malawian orphan. The "lucky" 13-month-old boy is David Banda, whose mother Marita died shortly after his birth. According to his father, Yohane Banda, "I am very, very happy because as you can see there is poverty in this village and I know he will be very well looked after in America." .

Hmmmm.

The boy's FATHER. Um, Madge? The kid has a father. He's technically NOT an orphan. And hey, Yohane. Do you seriously think that living with Madonna is going to give him a great life? Sure he'll get fed (macrobiotic gruel), clothed (pointy bras) and educated (about Kabbalah) but really. I think he might be better off with you. Seriously.

Is no-one learning lessons from the Nicole Richie story? The girl was adopted by Lionel to supposedly give her a better life and look how f***ed up she's turned out to be. Maybe its a Richie/Ritchie thing. Oooh, it could be a curse!

Anyway. Think of the children people.

Besides which, David is far to sensible a name for the child of a celebrity. Maybe they'll have to call him by his surname - Banda.

Moving right along... Our third story tonight comes from Shittsburgh. Sorry, Pittsburgh. Lovely place. Great restaurants. Cute boys.

"Don't You Know Who I Am?" asks Sienna

Yes, Sienna, we know who you are. You're a pillock.

Sienna Miller was kicked out of a US bar after saying: "Don't you know who I am?"

The actress, 24, tried to get into Folino's Young's Tavern in Pittsburgh on Saturday night with her parents. But a doorman didn't think she was old enough and demanded to see her ID. She then sneaked inside another entrance before she was caught — and thrown out into the street.

Bouncer Dan Kovacs, a former champion weightlifter dubbed 'Pittsburgh's Superman', said he was working at the South Side bar when Sienna and parents Ed and Jo turned up. He said: "I had told her, 'Madam, you're going to need an ID to get in here.'" "She says, 'Do you know who I am?', and I said, 'No but you're going to need your ID.' "She said, 'I'm Sienna Miller the famous actress', and I said 'I'm Dan Kovacs and I'm for real.' "She says, 'I don't care.' "She stepped back and looked up at the Folino's sign and said 'I'm going to put down Folino's as the worst place and Pittsburgh people aren't anything.'

"She was just really belligerent and arrogant. I was shocked." He said he had enough of her after she tried to sneak in twice. Kovacs added: "We have two entrances and I saw her trying to get in past me. "I went inside and found her trying to buy a vodka and tonic." After that, he says, Sienna's mother appeared with a copy of the local newspaper, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, which had a picture of the actress on the front. Kovacs added: "She showed me the paper and said, 'Do you know who that is?' "Sienna was standing next to the mayor, so I said, 'It's our Mayor.' "She said, 'That's my daughter'. I told her I didn't care."

Owner Tony Folino confirmed: "We do not allow anyone in without ID. She didn't have ID and when she snuck in and the doorman found her, he escorted her out. She was ranting and raving and making a scene. But the doorman didn't care — he was just doing his job."

Last week Miller was forced to make a public apology to Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravenstahl after she dubbed the city "S***sburgh" in an interview with Rolling Stone magazine. She later claimed her words were taken out of context. But some locals say they have had enough of the US-born star. And they want her out of the Pennsylvanian city. "I think it's really wrong," said Veronica Adamson of Pittsburgh. "I don't know how she gets away with it. I saw her apologise with the mayor once but twice is just unforgivable."

Nancy Gottlieb told local news channel KDKA: "Sienna Miller is a bubble-head and she should be thrown out of Pittsburgh and never allowed back. I will not watch the movie." A spokesman for Miller, who is in Pittsburgh filming new movie Mysteries of Pittsburgh, did not return calls.

There are several things I like about that story:

Firstly, the quote "I'm Dan Kovacs and I'm for real"

Secondly, the quote "Sienna Miller is a bubble-head"

And thirdly, the fact that Sienna's mother pulled out a newspaper with her daughter's photo on the front saying - "do you know who that is? that's my daughter". Methinks Siennas mommy suffers from stage mother/"trying to be famous through her daughter's success" syndrome.

Bubble head.

Sienna. Mum. Pet. I said love, I said pet. In the plural fashion. Both of you. Get a grip. You're not that famous Sienna. All you did was shag a pretty English boy who is fast losing his pretty boy hair. You're not the first, you won't be the last and quite frankly, behaviour like that is not going to make you anything more than "that bit of fluff Jude Law shagged for a while".

If you really want to keep your career going, take some acting lessons. Cos just like Jude your looks are gonna fade too and then what will you be left with? Appearances on Celebrity Big Brother and Dancing with the Stars, that's what. And no one is going to want to know who you are then.

Apart from dirty old men, nannas with nothing more interesting to do with their time and teenage boys salivating in front of the screen.

So...

Our final news story today comes from Old Blighty. Home of a cricket team who are finally starting to play decently for the first time in years.

Is this their secret weapon?

New Warney Created in English Lab

Sadly, I have no smart-arse remark about Shane. Insert one of your own choosing if you like.

England has discovered the new Shane Warne, except this one has an on-off switch. Researchers at Loughborough University have invented a machine that can replicate the deliveries of the world's top bowlers, including Warne's "ball of the century".

"It can produce any delivery that's required out there, it can produce any type of swing, any type of spin," one of the machine's developers, Andrew West, told AAP.

Warne's famous 1993 delivery to Mike Gatting left the England batsman stunned when it appeared to be heading a foot wide of the leg stump before turning sharply to clip off-stump. The machine puts spin and swing on the ball with a combination of two spinning wheels and a barrel which uses rifling theory - like the grooves in the barrel of a rifle - to add side-spin. As a result, it can produce off-breaks and leg-breaks, as well as the swing and reverse swing of fast bowlers like Glenn McGrath.

West said the aim of the machine was to provide top-level training opportunities by allowing a team's leading bowlers to rest when necessary while still exposing its batsmen to expert bowling. The machine can be programmed to produce a certain type of delivery repeatedly to help a batsman with a weakness in that area, or mix up the balls to provide a broader training regime.



Ah, yes, but can they program it to send dirty text messages, cheat on its wife, smoke like a chimney, drink like a fish and give the finger to Barmy Army chants of "he's fat, he's round, he bounces off the ground, Shane Warne. Shane Warne."? Somehow I don't think so.

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That's all for today. Thanks for tuning in. See you next time, where we discuss Tom Cruise's bit to "get Kate in shape" for their upcoming wedding.

Expect normal posting to resume shortly...

Just in case you're still visiting.

And if you are...

Hey! How are y'all? Well?

Excellent.

The run of my play has ended (with a very busy final week... typical of Sydney theatre-goers to leave it till the last week of a five week run) and I finally have some time to breathe.

And blog.

I've just got to work out which of the myriad of topics cartwheeling around in my brain I am going to choose first.

Any hot topics anyone wants my opinion on? Or are you happy to go with the flow?

x