Shot through the heart

I went to see a play about love last night. Blue Love. Not sure why it was blue, but it was. Its on at the Opera House, but only until Sunday. Flatmate A works there, so got us freebies. Gotta love that.

I didn't quite get some of it at first but then I realised that I just needed to stop trying to make sense of it and just sit back and enjoy it, so I did. The last bit was especially funny - I won't spoil it for you (all 1 of you that actually read this blog) but song lyrics were involved and I laughed loudly.

Which was good, because given the title I was literally dragged kicking and screaming to this show. I had threatened to walk out if it turned out to be all lovey-dovey, couples are great, blah effing blah. Thankfully it wasn't. Bits of it were even quite cynical. I like cynical. Hell I am cynical.

I'm over love (for the next 5 mins). My only attempt at love this year was - how should I put it - Disastrous. With a capital D. We're talking Titanic-type disaster. The type where you end up beating yourself around the head with a pillow screaming "why do I bother? why do i always fall for emotional f***wits and commitment phobes?" (by the way, thank you Bridget Jones for that terminology... and also for the term 'Smug Marrieds').

I have many Smug Married friends. Thankfully they gave up trying to set me up with their other single friends ("he's single and so are you, so you're perfect for each other") after I threatened to take out full-page ads in national newspapers calling them abusive smug-marrieds-who-were-secretly-unhappy-with-their-own-lives-so-tried-to-set-up-their-single-friends-with-inappropriate-men, if they ever tried to set me up again.

Now I know I'm not perfect. I'm not very easily pidgeon-holed... I've been told I'm high maintenance but I don't think I am (which is probably the worst kind). I'm not stunning looking (I'm no Angelina Jolie) but I think I'm reasonably attractive (I get told that I look like Sandra Bullock and she's not ugly). I'm work in the arts but I also love football (and according to our new premier you can't like both). My favourite item of clothing is a girly pink blouse but my favourite shoes are my converse trainers. I love Rufus Wainwright's last album but I also own some early Motley Crue albums (on vinyl, no less). I like to spend money (and would like to have more of it) but I hate yuppies and people who assess your worth based on how much you earn. I am usually pretty happy and outgoing but sometimes I'm moody and withdrawn. I can be totally confident but I can also be painfully shy. I want to find love, but I'm not willing to change who I am just so someone will love me back.

My greatest fear is not that I will end up alone but that I will do what some of my friends seem to have done and settle for the wrong guy.

I think I need therapy... or a bloody good role (instead of the shite i was offered the other day, but that's another post altogether).

And for the Hawks to beat the Lions this weekend.

xox