Is it wrong that my life is filled with shoes and not children?

I seem to be surrounded by people having babies.

Everywhere I turn another random celebrity is spawning a badly named junior version of themselves.

And all of a sudden my friends seem to be casting aside their birth control. Instead of alcohol induced vomiting after a big night out, its morning sickness induced vomiting.

Its very disturbing.

Heath Ledger has a baby named Matilda. With a woman he's known for about five minutes. I've heard of patriotism Heath, but really. Matilda???

One of my mates had a baby (named after an old Aussie celeb) last year with a bloke she'd known for about five minutes. Said bloke is a tool. They've since moved to woop woop, so I hardly see her any more. She's even had a second sprog with the tool and landed the poor tyke with a ridiculous biblical name. Glutton for punishment? Biological clock ticking, hence all sense gone out the window or what?

Another friend has just given birth to her baby (6 weeks premature and only weighing about 4lbs, poor tyke)... again to a bloke she's been with for all of five minutes. This little tyke has been named after a celeb too. Although its not a bad name... just a bit common.

There's a disturbing trend here. Of my mates sprogging up to blokes they've known for five minutes that is.

My best friend (thankfully, she's been happily married to a great bloke for 4 years) has just hit her third trimester. Its taken two years for her to fall pregnant and she's had the most rotten all-day sickness for most of her pregnancy, so this kid had better be the cutest, smartest, most wonderful kid in the universe or I bet she's gonna feel really cheated. I'm sure she will be. Cute, smart and wonderful that is. We know its a girl. But she's not going to be called Matilda, even though Bestie's mom in the States is gunning for it. Distance from your relatives is sometimes a good thing.

Anyway, I could bore you with the details of about twenty other friends/work colleagues/acquaintances who are either pregnant or have just given birth, but I won't.

But let it be said, many of them have given (or are planning to give) their kids such shocking monikers that there really should be a law against it.

Think of the children people. Think of the children.

1. Don't name them after pieces of fruit.
2. Don't give them Gaelic names with such weird spellings that they'll silently curse you every time they have to say "no, that's spelt N-I-A-M-H, but pronounced Neeve" to every call centre/customer/random person they ever deal with.
3. Don't name them after dodgy B-grade celebrities.
4. Don't give them horribly old-fashioned names which would be better suited to someone in a nursing home. Just because Great-Grandad was named [_______] doesn't mean [_______] Jnr isn't going to get the shit kicked out of him in the schoolyard for having such a ridiculous name.
5. You might think creative spelling is cute, but they won't. Ever.
6. Alliteration. Not always a good thing.

There's something to be said for Denmark and their "here is a list of X number of approved names from which you must choose or we won't register the child" policy.

That is all.